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Chatabix

S14 Ep 731: The Marvelous Mind of Mark Simmons

Chatabix

Big Oval Plate

Comedy

4.83.4K Ratings

🗓️ 12 November 2025

⏱️ 29 minutes

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

Picking up from yesterday’s episode and the subject of miserable colds, Joe tells David about a reliable remedy that the comedian Mark Simmons uses to fight off the winter bugs. Then, after discussing how much they love Mark’s stand-up and his brilliant and very quick off-the-cough one liners, they decide to find out if they’re any good at coming up with some themselves. After a few early successes, they soon realise that it’s a little harder than they thought - but plough on regardless.

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Transcript

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0:00.0

I'm

0:02.0

.

0:03.0

I'm

0:04.0

.

0:05.0

. Hi.

0:21.6

Hi.

0:38.1

Hi.

0:40.7

Well, I'll tell you what I was going to say.

0:45.4

Mark Simmons on his podcast, you know Mark Simmons' podcast.

0:49.8

He said this thing years ago about how he never has a cold.

0:51.1

Right. Because he uses this stuff called First Defence.

0:53.9

Yeah.

0:55.0

So I started getting a cold about four to five days ago.

0:58.0

So I bought this first defence and I shot it on my nose.

1:02.0

And it literally killed the germs and I've done it every day.

1:07.0

But then I've realised I've now got the cold anyway.

1:10.0

But it's like this poison you put up your nose.

1:13.9

But you're ill.

1:14.9

I know, that's what I'm saying, I've realised why I'm now ill.

1:18.5

So as it works.

1:21.2

But it stayed, it kept out of bay for four days.

1:25.9

Because the rest of me, I...

...

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