S1 Ep91: How I Stopped Searching for Love in Lost People feat. Leah Lamarr
Lovers and Friends with Shan Boodram
LOVERS by shan
5 • 5.5K Ratings
🗓️ 4 October 2023
⏱️ 71 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
Attraction, whether emotional, physical, or psychological, is a complex process. It can be influenced by numerous factors, from biology to personal history. If someone finds themselves repeatedly attracted to individuals with certain undesirable characteristics (like the makeup of a fuckboy: charismatic but not reliable, fun to be around but not fun to be apart from because communication is not stable or when out of sight they’re unpredictable, they make big plans but don’t consistently make the small actions to move towards that goal especially when it comes to you, etc…), understanding the underlying causes and taking conscious steps to modify patterns of attraction can be beneficial. Here's a scientific, step-by-step approach:
Self-awareness and reflection
Next, Examine past patterns
Understand the biology
Cognitive-behavioral techniques
Increase self-worth
Expand your social circle
Educate yourself
Avoid idealization
practice mindfulness
Follow Leah Lamarr
https://www.instagram.com/leahlamarr
https://sociatap.com/leahlamarr/
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Extras in this episode
The Art of Manipulation: Influence Human Behavior, Understand the Psychology of Manipulation, Effectively Manage People, and Get What You (Really) Want!
Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | Let's talk about toxic relationships, baby. Let's talk about you and me. More accurately, me and our |
| 0:06.4 | guest this week, comedian Leah Lamar. I have felt love at first sight before, but now what I |
| 0:12.7 | realize, it was just familiarity at first sight. Chaos. Familiarity of my childhood dynamic I had |
| 0:19.7 | with my dad and the family dynamic that I had. And it was, |
| 0:24.6 | butterflies to me are toxic now. That feeling of adrenaline and that rush of insane energy is actually me going to fight or flight. And that's how I felt in my childhood home, fighter flight. That's |
| 0:38.7 | not safety. And every single one of those guys that I had love at first sight with just absolutely |
| 0:46.3 | destroyed me. Destroyed me. I almost think that even from the first guy I dated, every guy after that |
| 0:53.0 | has just been a band-aid on top of that guy. |
| 0:55.0 | And it was like, time to rip the band-aids off, let that heal, and then date someone who's not going to wound you. |
| 1:02.0 | That was a bar, you know it. |
| 1:05.0 | Honestly, I just sat here and I was like, damn, that's a clip. |
| 1:08.0 | So how does one fix their desire for relationships with people that will inevitably become |
| 1:14.2 | broken? |
| 1:15.0 | And furthermore, how does that same kind of person stop themselves from aligning healthy with |
| 1:19.8 | boring? |
| 1:20.4 | And that's what we're talking about on this episode of... |
| 1:23.2 | Lovers and friends. |
| 1:25.6 | I'm going to take you on a trip, baby. |
| 1:27.4 | I don't pretend. I say, lovers and friends. I'm going to take you on a trip, baby. |
| 1:28.1 | I don't pretend. |
| 1:30.1 | I said, lovers and friends. |
| 1:33.0 | I'm going to hold you down down to the end. |
... |
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