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Lovers and Friends with Shan Boodram

S1 Ep73: This is What it Sounds Like When a Man Cries feat. Dom Gabriel

Lovers and Friends with Shan Boodram

LOVERS by shan

Sexuality, Society & Culture, Relationships, Health & Fitness

55.5K Ratings

🗓️ 24 May 2023

⏱️ 73 minutes

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

We often talk about how men have an easier life, but I think at this point we can also agree that maintaining the identity of “a real man” is extremely hard. Masculinity is what I would call a wet fish identity - because like catching a fish with your bear hands - It’s hard to do, even harder to hold onto and incredibly easy to lose a grip on. And one of the fastest ways to call your capability of holding onto a wet fish into question, is to add more slick to the situation by crying.

It’s one thing for a man to reveal his hurt, pain and insecurities - which you might recall we already discussed in episod 4 of Lovers and Friends, do we really want vulnerable men starring Aba n Preach.

So what comes up for us when we see a man cry? And how do we deconstruct those feelings without tearing down the man or his masculinity in the process? These are all questions I wanted to pontificate with, with the man himself, Dominic Gabriel- a personality and mental health advocate best known from his appearances on Netflix's Perfect Match and The Mole. You may also recognize him from his viral Tik Toks OR from his brand new podcast Dom Meets World. 

Conversation starter pack from this episode:

What is masculinity? Is it something you have? Or something you have to earn and maintain?
Is it a turnoff to see a man cry?
Is it a turnon?
Aren’t both of those responses equally as strange? What’s the healthier alternative?
Is crying a useful expression regardless of gender? Should we all attempt to control it because it can be likened to losing your temper?
How do we create an environment where people tasked with proving their masculinity, don’t feel like they have to keep up the audition in front of us?

Thanks to the sponsors of this episode!

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Follow Shan:
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https://www.tiktok.com/@shanboody
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[email protected]

Follow Dom: 
https://www.instagram.com/dontcalldom
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https://www.instagram.com/enjoyjaredbrady
https://www.instagram.com/mrjustdavis
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Transcript

Click on a timestamp to play from that location

0:00.0

You do share yourself openly. You do show your emotions openly. Do you ever regret it?

0:05.0

On the show I cried. I remember Chase was like, oh, he cried, blah, blah, you did this.

0:10.0

And then I got a cry baby tattooed on my back of my neck. And it's like, yeah, I cried.

0:16.0

Cry baby lover boy. I'm a cancer. Now what? She's got to do what she got to do.

0:20.0

Are you okay? I'm a cancer. Now what? She's got to do what she got to do. Are you okay?

0:28.1

I'm be a-all- I'm gonna be all right, bro. And I can confront that and then move on. So I think the show did help me do that. Did you and Georgia get to do that too? No. No, no. I'm just like, I just laugh as a defense mechanism.

0:41.0

That's my coping mechanism.

0:42.6

What are you coping with?

0:44.6

So a couple of months ago, I started watching the perfect match on Netflix, like millions of other people.

0:49.6

And there was one scene in particular that had me overwhelmed with emotions.

0:55.0

And if I'm being truly honest, it wasn't exactly the most mature emotional response.

1:06.0

If you watch the show, you might already guess where I'm going with this, but if you haven't,

1:14.3

I'm referring to the clip in which Dom Gabriel sobbed.

1:18.7

And I do think that sob is the accurate word here.

1:21.5

So when the episode was done, I had to go back and ask myself, Shan, why did you have that big immature reaction?

1:29.6

And when I analyzed it, truth is, a part of my response has to do with the smart woman's revenge, the joy, the undue joy that we can sometimes experience after watching a man get hurt by a woman who is extremely hot, but very clearly not the kindest

1:47.1

individual.

1:48.1

But I knew that there was also something more to my reaction.

1:50.9

And I wanted to dissect that in particular with the man himself, Dom.

1:54.9

So I reached out in the DMs and I asked him if he willing to come on here and talk about

1:58.9

not just my, but the world's extremely varied reactions to his extremely public display of pain.

2:07.9

What do you say?

...

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