My friend, scientists, are beside themselves with joy. They have accidentally created a mutant

enzyme that eats plastic bottles. A couple years ago, scientists discovered the enzyme at a

Japanese waste dump. They brought in an international team to tweak it and voila, the enzyme mutated.

The new enzyme takes just a few days to break down plastic. Now, the lead researcher says that,

thanks to the mutant enzyme, there will not be a need to drill oil to make more plastic,

because the plastic we already have can be recycled back into its original components.

If that happens, can you imagine the result? Liberals can stop making laws to ban plastic

straws in restaurants. Stores can give customers plastic bags again. You can buy bottled water

without the environmentalist wackos complaining about what's in landfills. Plastic will be in again.

Which is why I have a prediction of my own. It'll never happen. Because liberals don't really

want to solve problems. They just want to complain about problems and blame America for problems.

The last thing they want to do is solve anything because America can't improve. So just watch.

Environmentalists will accuse the new mutant enzyme of causing global warming or wiping out

endangered species or hurting polar bears. Mark my words. It will not be marketed as a solution,

ultimately.