Donald Trump took time off from his busy schedule running for president and trying to stay out of prison by pitching his brand new Trump high top sneakers at Philadelphia's aptly named SneakerCon.

Isn't that great?

Trump on Saturday launched a pair of high tops at Sneaker con. Isn't that great? Trump on Saturday launched a pair of high tops at sneaker

con. How appropriate. They're called never surrender high tops because Trump supporters

wearing these sneakers never surrender unless they're walking up half a flight of stairs,

in which case they stop midway, sit for a spell,

and say, you know, on second thought, maybe I'll take the elevator.

Trump's gold-plated high tops are marketed a little differently with the smallest one

coming in at a size 14 since Trump voters like to delude themselves into believing their penis isn't

microscopic. I mean, let's be honest. If any of these Trump voters had a fully functioning penis

that got serviced on a regular basis, you think they'd be voting for Donald Trump. But in all fairness,

it's a pretty good looking pair of sneakers. I mean,

I'd wear them if I was dressing on Halloween as the bouncer at a New Jersey strict club that

only caters to Saudi Arabian businessmen. I wonder if the sneakers are made in China, like all those

patriotic red ties and make America great hats, Trump sells to all his China-hating supporters.

And this is just the beginning. Next month, Trump launches his version of Air Jordans.

He's calling them Air Jim Jordans, which is the perfect shoe for running your mouth off.

Or if you're into weightlifting and can't pass the bar

bells. That joke is so stupid. A Trump supporter could have written it. Did I mention Jim Jordan

went to law school, but couldn't pass the bar because he's stupid? Jim Jordan's office apparently is getting very upset about

everyone writing to him as I asked you to insisting he failed the bar exam. Now, they're saying his

office issued a statement. I'm not making this up.

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