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Produced by the I-Leb, at WBUR Boston.

From The New York Times and WBUR Boston, this is Modern Love.

The End of the New York Times

Stories of Love, Loss and Redemption

I'm your host, Magna Chakrabardi.

There are a lot of relationships that fit neatly into boxes.

They're friendships or they're romantic.

But other times, relationships defy easy definitions.

When I was an art student in London, I worked part-time as a bar-made at pub in Notting Hill.

It was the perfect job for me.

Being in a crowd of people every evening stopped me from feeling lonely,

and the bar prevented anyone from getting too close.

I found relationships with people difficult.

I was gay, but didn't know it yet.

Growing up among the British-landed gentry, I didn't think gay was something I could be.

All I knew was my friendships with girls were complicated by the fact that I sometimes wanted to kiss them.

And my relationships with boys were complicated by the fact that I often didn't.

Working in a pub was safe.

When my contact with the patrons was confined to jokes,

and orders thrown across the bar, above the high volume of rock music,

blasting from the dukebox in the corner.

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