Episode 491 – Sobriety is Not….

Today we have Santino. He is 36 years old, lives in Taunton, MA, and took his last drink on May 24^th, 2022.

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[02:55] Thoughts from Paul:

A question we all eventually ask ourselves during our lifetime is – who am I? Eckhart Tolle (the author of The Power of Now and A New Earth) says that through the process of finding out who we are not, we also find out who we are.

One of our Café RE hosts, Tonya, shared a great list of what sobriety is not which Paul shares and elaborates on:

1) Sobriety is not the same for everyone.

2) Sobriety is not going back to how things were.

3) Sobriety does not rid you of your past.

4) Sobriety is not the end of your life if you enter recovery or treatment.

5) Sobriety is not the end of socializing.

6) Sobriety is not something you can do halfheartedly.

7) Sobriety is not just a temporary thing.

Rumi says “don’t be held captive. Your life has no border or shoreline”. Don’t be held captive by a mind created definition of what sobriety is because in reality, it can be whatever you want it to be. It can be infinitely boundless.

[10:42] Paul introduces Santino:

This is Santino’s third appearance on the podcast, and he is celebrating 2 years alcohol free at the time of this recording.

Santino grew up in the Midwest but currently lives in eastern MA. He is currently working on writing his memoir and he and his wife are expecting their second child.

Curiosity in his early teens led Santino to try alcohol. He joined the military after high school where drinking is generally part of the culture. Santino considers his drinking rather benign until his late twenties. It was then that he began to use alcohol for coping through uncertainty in his life. Once he started finding himself focusing more and more on his next drink, he began gaslighting and manipulating to protect his drinking. Santino acknowledges that he was becoming like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.

Several months before he quit drinking, Santino had a bad withdrawal experience. At the time he was depressed and cared little about himself. He recognized that this may be what a rock bottom feels like and didn’t want to go through this again. He was able to quit for three months in early 2022, but a birthday celebration in March found him falling right into the old habits.

A turning point for Santino was after watching coverage of a school shooting while at the bar. Thinking about becoming a better example for the children of the future, he stopped drinking that day. He calls this clocking out of purgatory. An ultimatum from his wife after discovering hidden debt sealed the deal for Santino.

Comparing the first year of sobriety to the second year, Santino feels there is pure form of clarity that he has. He no longer feels the need to hide anymore. He is exploring who he is and what he can offer to the universe.

Santino says he has been attending individual and marriage therapy which has been helpful to him. He works on fostering his relationships, attends AA meetings, practices positive self-talk, and works on connecting with his emotions and his inner self daily.

Santino’s favorite recovery quote: “the world record for the longest time without a drink is 24 hours.”

One thing Santino has learned in sobriety: that he has always had something to offer the world – his true, authentic self.

Santino’s favorite sober moment: having the emotional capacity to deal with life as he knows it as well as deal with conflicts he would otherwise run away from.

Santino’s parting piece of guidance: give yourself the grace that alcohol will never give you.

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