Lemonnotta.

I'm putting so much pressure on myself to say something interesting.

We're off to a great start folks. You're going to be here. The last time I remember feeling this much pressure was when I'm glad my mom died came out.

Before a book I'm glad my mom died came out.

Before a book is published, it's sent to critics. They get like the early preview of it and they read it and so that they can you know have their

reviews and you know you hope to get good reviews because then that generates good buzz, whatever.

My book was sent to Booklist and Kirkus

and another, I don't remember the third big one,

but it got these starred reviews.

So I knew going in like, oh my God,

it's gonna to be critically

claimed that's amazing that's that's cool and I really had no expectation for how it

would do commercially until I got an email that was I was not supposed to be on that email thread.

It was supposed to be between other people and in the email thread it said, like, how are we looking on pre-sales from a

kirties book? Do we think we'll make number one for like the New York Times bestseller list.

And I had like had high hopes

that it would maybe make the list,

but then when I saw that email that there was some expectation or even

pressure on it landing in the number one slot, it was like I became fixated on that,

obsessed. I... like I became fixated on that obsessed I my heart's like pounding even while I say this I it

was all I could think about like I needed that book to become the number one New York Times bestseller.

This is, I'm, you know, a little embarrassed to admit this,

...