Polygamy, Incest & Reality TV: Amanda Rae Breaks the Silence (Part 2)
A Little Bit Culty
Sarah Edmondson & Anthony “Nippy” Ames
4.6 • 2.7K Ratings
🗓️ 15 May 2025
⏱️ 46 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
This episode is sponsored in part by Betterhelp.
In Part 2 of our conversation with Amanda Rae, we pick up right where we left off—so if you haven’t heard Part 1 yet, go back and listen first. In this episode, Amanda shares the final breaking point that led her to leave the Kingston Clan, also known as The Order, and the harrowing events surrounding her dramatic escape at just 17.
We dive into the emotional toll of indoctrination, the long process of deconstructing belief systems, and what it takes to rebuild an identity after growing up in a high-control religious group. Amanda speaks candidly about self-awareness, survivor’s guilt, family estrangement, and the dark side of reality TV—including her experience on Escaping Polygamy and the exploitation survivors faced behind the scenes.
This episode is a raw, deeply moving reminder of the resilience it takes to not only survive—but to speak out. Amanda’s story continues to empower others seeking freedom, healing, and the courage to trust themselves.
If you’re in a high-control group and looking for support, Holding Out Help offers free assistance to those trying to leave. And if you want to hear more from Amanda, including firsthand accounts from others who’ve left The Order, check out her YouTube channel: @TheAmandaRaeGrant.
Trigger warning: This episode contains discussions of abuse, spiritual trauma, and emotional manipulation.
Also… let it be known that:
The views and opinions expressed on A Little Bit Culty do not necessarily reflect the official policy or position of the podcast. Any content provided by our guests, bloggers, sponsors or authors are of their opinion and are not intended to malign any religion, group, club, organization, business individual, anyone or anything. Nobody’s mad at you, just don’t be a culty fuckwad.
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CREDITS:
Executive Producers: Sarah Edmondson & Anthony Ames
Production Partner: Amphibian.Media
Co-Creator: Jess Tardy
Writer: Kristen Reiter
Associate producers: Amanda Zaremba and Matt Stroud of Amphibian.Media
Audio production: Red Caiman Studios
Theme Song: “Cultivated” by Jon Bryant co-written with Nygel Asselin
Transcript
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| 0:23.3 | like you sign up for your one dollar a month trial at shopify dot com slash setup welcome back everybody |
| 0:31.7 | to part two with amanda ray if you miss part one you will not understand this part so go back |
| 0:36.4 | and make sure that you know what we're talking about. Enjoy. Welcome back, everyone. This is part two of the Manderay, discussing the order. Okay. So last week we talked about a lot of history, a lot of terminology, a lot of things you saw that just didn't add up. What was the final thing that occurred? I mean, we talk about this all |
| 0:56.9 | the time in the podcast. It's not just one thing. Things add up, add up. The shelf eventually breaks. |
| 1:00.7 | What was the final thing on the shelf that caused your world to crumble and make you want to leave |
| 1:04.9 | forever? I think, yeah, like you're saying there's so many things like the sexism, the, |
| 1:10.3 | oh, why can't I have multiple husbands, but you can have multiple wives? |
| 1:12.9 | Like my critical thinking was starting to work. |
| 1:15.5 | And I think because I was allowed two years of public school that also made me like look around and be like, oh, so there's a whole world out here. |
| 1:22.5 | And then my mom being honest with me. |
| 1:24.3 | But I think what was the final straw was really thinking about having |
| 1:29.6 | kids in the order, having daughters in the order. And I was thinking, am I really going to repeat |
| 1:35.8 | the cycle of what my mom has done where my mom, well, at least my mom was honest, but she was living |
| 1:40.6 | a miserable life, crying every day, most days, am I really going to have kids |
| 1:46.2 | and subject them to that? |
| 1:48.1 | And so even though I don't have kids now in a weird way, my hypothetical kids saved |
| 1:53.9 | me from the order. |
| 1:55.8 | And so I left at 17. |
... |
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