Podcast #60: Pigs in a Blanket, Suicide Blonde, and Martyr Kim Davis
Drunk Ex-Pastors
Christian Kingery
4.7 • 565 Ratings
🗓️ 7 September 2015
⏱️ 86 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
Jason and Christian begin episode 60 of Drunk Ex-Pastors by enjoying some immediate karma for a lady who has it coming. They then lament the downfall of their favorite Survivor contestant and Fox and Friends correspondent, Elisabeth Hasselbeck. Going from bad to worse, the DXPs then discuss Michelle Carter, pretty much the worst girlfriend any guy could ask for. They then move on to Kim Davis, present-day "Rosa Parks" and Christian martyr, sacrificing her own freedom to make sure the sanctity of marriage is kept intact for heterosexual serial brides like herself. (Not only did three men marry her, but one of these apparently very desperate men married her twice!) Jason likes whatever Christian tells him to like and Christian likes his victory over the establishment. Christian is biebered by yet another way his body is attempting to do him in, and Jason is biebered either by being advertised to or by his own hypocrisy. He's unsure.
Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | Jason and Christian, they're drinking and keeping it tight. |
| 0:09.0 | Don't you take their drinks away or you'll be birthing tonight? |
| 0:14.0 | I said, Jason and Christian drinking and keeping it tired. |
| 0:20.0 | Don't you take their drinks away |
| 0:22.4 | Or you'll be birthday tonight |
| 0:25.1 | Nice Nice Nice. |
| 0:41.6 | One of our listeners sent that to us. |
| 0:43.0 | Yeah, nice little baseline. |
| 0:44.0 | That was awesome. |
| 0:44.8 | It's pretty well done. |
| 0:46.1 | Yeah. |
| 0:46.6 | I mean, when I first heard it. |
| 0:48.2 | America's got talent. |
| 0:49.5 | They do, yeah. |
| 0:50.2 | When I first heard it on the voicemail, that was the one that didn't come through. |
| 0:52.5 | And I mentioned it. |
| 0:53.8 | I didn't realize he was so good at it yeah he even said he was he would have added drums |
| 0:58.7 | but he lives in an apartment yeah it's Brent right Brent yeah and he didn't want to wake up his neighbors |
| 1:03.7 | yeah but yeah dude that was awesome yeah so yeah yeah dude uh I just turned on the heater like 10 |
| 1:09.6 | minutes ago well I'm all hot right now from cooking. I cooked. I did what they call cooking. I'm going to put cook in quotation marks. Yeah, that's crazy that you did that. I know, it was really hard. All the stuff I said about cooking up for the last, however many years, I've been oversimplifying it. I take take it all back. And you made fajitas, like, one of the easiest things in the world to make. It's not the easiest thing at all. It's really hard. Dicing stuff, dude? I walked into your kitchen, and the first thing you said is, cooking's hard. It's dicing stuff. That's the hard part. And I don't have the right utensils, you know. But like, well, you're using a steak knife. Cutting chicken with a with a butter knife. Yeah. It's not easy. You have a like a three-year-old steak knife and a no and no cutting board. No cutting board. And you're trying to like dice red onions. Yeah. And cilantro. I'm chopping up cilantro, cooking, cutting chicken with scissors. Did you really? No. I don't have scissors. I would have probably resorted to that, dude, if I had. Jason has registered a bed bath and beyond for anybody who would like to help a bachelor out. Yeah. Now that's, uh, so even though it's cold and rainy out here and I'm all like depressed about that, I'm, I'm all hot and bothered from cooking. I just don't know if I've ever had to turn on the heater this early in the year. I usually wait till October 1st. Well, it doesn't, it's not usually like this. The second half of August has sucked. I'm sure September, September is always killer here. Yeah. I mean, it's always 90 degrees and sunny. We're paying for the most amazing spring and summer we've ever had. Seriously. Hey, we're drinking a dark night. Yeah, that's right. And it's, it's using the Chard Barrel Society's generous gift of whiskey to us. And I'm wearing their shirt right now. Yeah. Special thanks to the Charred Barrel Society. They sent us a couple of cool t-shirts. Yeah. And they sent us – they can't send alcohol to us for some reason. So they sent us money to go to the store. They sent us the exact amount of money to go buy a bottle of it, which is what I did. |
| 3:08.0 | Yeah. |
| 3:08.3 | And it was a bullet. |
... |
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