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We began the week rather unpleasantly with Tom and Natasha discussing the possibility of a bit of rumpy-pumpy, followed by an in-depth description of trimming

Helen's bush. Natasha had to suggest the rumpy and indeed the pumpy, as Tom's first thought

at being in the house alone with his wife for the first time in ages, was to play on the boy's

devices. Natasha was far keener that he played on hers. He failed to pick up the hint and suggested

she watch him play on his device.

In the end, she basically pulled his trousers down round his ankles and hobbled him upstairs.

They've decided that rather than using Peggy's money to pay off their mortgage, which is apparently

crippling them, they're going to buy a Hobbit house for the twins as all children love a den.

They do, but they are also perfectly happy with a tablecloth over two deck chairs,

which is what I had at Grandma Freeman's and it may be very happy, thank you very much.

Whereas the one they'll get will be all rustic smoked oak, little pops of dried flowers

that the twins will knock over in a jiffy in a sage and dusty pink

colour scheme. I had a friend who used to take a bottle of wine down to her children's

very expensive Wendy House when she wanted to get away from them as she knew it was the one place

they would never ever go. Total waste of money and therefore exactly the kind of thing they would

buy. It will be, no doubt, Instagrammable.

They will also mean about Lee's climbing frame that he built for the boys. I would imagine Lee got

it from IKEA. It is severely on the wonk and he used the Alan keys like tiny hammers.

More cricket shenanigans and Lily at her absolute worst, rather reminiscent of Kate

at hers, huffing about in the shop and demanding that Rex hate joy like fifth year girls.

Let's all not speak to her. Nicola, Nicola, we're not speaking to Rachel, okay? Tell Becky.

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