Florida, what are they putting in your water?

You know how like a few weeks ago we talked about that Florida man who was running away from police and he hopped on a jet ski and then realized,

oh, I don't know how to start a jet ski and so he just floated into the ocean as his getaway plan even though he could not swim?

But apparently another Florida man saw that coverage and was like, I can do something more stupider. And that man was 40-year-old Dustin Mowgli, who was no stranger to stupidity

and run-ins with the authorities. But as it turns out, back in January Sheriff's deputies found him

aboard a $40,000 boat that he allegedly stole. But before they could take him into custody,

he dove off the edge of the boat, James Bond-style, into the swamp and vanish. Which, by the way, if you are in Florida and you dive into a body of water that is not

like the ocean or a pool, you are either the bravest or dumbest motherfucker on the planet. There is a

near 100% chance that there is an old-ass dinosaur that wants to eat you in there. But as it

turns out here, Dustin evades the police and being gator food. But then, last week, they find this elusive best. They track him down. They

arrive at his home at 9.30 in the morning to serve a warrant. But this time, Mowgli's not on a

boat. He is on a far more efficient machine, and that is a John Deere lawnmower. And so as the

cops yell at him to get on the life. He floors it and he leads the

cop in a high speed pursuit. And by that, I mean a four to five miles per hour. The deputy is

quickly running or briskly walking up to him and tasing him. With police reporting that after they

got him in custody, they found essentially a Florida man starter kit on him, a pipe with methamphetamine

residue, a handcuff key, and a revolver.

And good old Dustin right now, he's being held without bond on a whole host of charges.

And unfortunately, for our boy, Mowgli, I think he's going to go to jail for a lawn, lawn time.

Oh, God.

Hit him with the monkey.

Also, fun fact for you, according to a 2020 report, lawn mowers actually kill more people each year than bears, sharks, or alligators.

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