Pathological Kindness: When Caring, Trying, and Empathizing Too Much Can Be Bad For Your Health

The Virtual Couch

Tony Overbay LMFT

Education, Mental Health, Health & Fitness, Self-improvement

5 • 643 Ratings

🗓️ 11 September 2024

⏱️ 49 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

Do you find yourself constantly putting others' needs before your own? Have you ever wondered if being "too kind" could actually be harmful to your relationships and well-being? In today’s crossover episode - Tony Overbay, a licensed marriage and family therapist, explores the complex concept of pathological kindness in relationships. Through a listener's letter from 'Cleo,' Tony delves into the challenges faced by those who prioritize others' needs to their detriment, often rooted in childhood experiences of being the family peacemaker. Cleo's story highlights issues with her emotionally inconsistent partner, Ray, unveiling the struggles of living with someone emotionally immature or narcissistic. Tony discusses recognizing these patterns, including the role of cognitive dissonance and trauma bonding in maintaining unhealthy relationships. He explores how highly sensitive people (HSPs) may be particularly vulnerable to these dynamics. The episode emphasizes the importance of developing a stable core identity, setting boundaries, and balancing kindness with self-care. Tony also touches on the challenges of breaking free from intermittent reinforcement in relationships and recognizing and trusting one's own perceptions. He stresses the role of therapy and self-awareness in breaking free from unhealthy cycles and fostering emotionally mature relationships while also offering hope to those who recognize themselves as the emotionally immature partner and want to change.00:00 Introduction and Podcast Promotion01:19 Introducing Cleo's Story03:16 Cleo's Relationship Struggles10:38 Understanding Pathological Kindness16:28 The Impact of Pathological Kindness21:36 Balancing Kindness and Self-Care25:09 Exploring Self-Reliance and Its Pitfalls25:24 The Dual Nature of Optimism25:40 Understanding Humility and Self-Deprecation26:26 The Complexities of Honesty27:09 Patience vs. Passivity27:24 Competence and Arrogance28:00 Cleo's Relationship with Ray29:04 The Struggle of Highly Sensitive People29:48 The Challenge of Leaving Toxic Relationships33:23 The Cognitive Dissonance and Trauma Bonding45:04 The Importance of Self-Care and Boundaries46:03 Encouragement for Personal GrowthTo learn more about Tony's upcoming re-release of the Magnetic Marriage course, his Pathback Recovery course, and more, sign up for his newsletter through the link at https://linktr.ee/virtualcouch

Transcript

Click on a timestamp to play from that location

0:00.0	Hey, everybody, welcome to episode 4.5. Come on in and take a seat on the virtual couch.
0:22.6	Hey, everybody. Welcome to episode 427 of the virtual couch. I am your host, Tony Overbay. I'm a licensed marriage and family therapist, certified mindful habit coach. And I'm excited to be here today. And we're going to get right to today's topic. Of course, I would love for you to sign up for my newsletter.
0:39.8	Go to tonyoverbay.com or follow me on social media, Instagram at virtual.couch,
0:45.6	TikTok at virtual couch, Facebook.
0:47.9	I think that's Tony Overbay licensed marriage and family therapist.
0:50.5	All those wonderful things.
0:51.4	And if you like the podcast, if you ever get the chance, please review or rate, subscribe YouTube.
0:57.8	Actually, go there.
0:59.0	And the virtual couch is on YouTube.
1:01.5	I put most of the videos up there.
1:03.1	And then there's a lot of YouTube shorts that touch on things that aren't necessarily things that come from the podcast as well.
1:08.1	And there's all the promotion.
1:09.4	Let's get to today because this is one of these topics that I just enjoy so much.
1:13.4	We're going to talk about relationships, and we're going to talk about people in their
1:17.6	different roles and relationships.
1:19.3	And I think the best way to do it is I am going to dive into an email.
1:23.9	The email is from a listener named Cleo, and they let me know that that was not their
1:29.1	real name, and their partner is not their real name as well. But her story, it touches on a lot of
1:34.8	concepts that I want to go over. I'm going to read the email in chunks, and we'll take a lot of time
1:42.0	here to break down as much of it as I can. So let me start by
1:45.8	reading the letter and then we're going to go break it down in detail. She says the letter.
1:50.0	It is an email. I don't even know if they're referred to as letters anymore. She sent me an email.
	...

Please login to see the full transcript.

Previous episode | Next episode

Disclaimer: The podcast and artwork embedded on this page are from Tony Overbay LMFT, and are the property of its owner and not affiliated with or endorsed by Tapesearch.

Generated transcripts are the property of Tony Overbay LMFT and are distributed freely under the Fair Use doctrine. Transcripts generated by Tapesearch are not guaranteed to be accurate.