As mothers, we are experiencing so much change and often we look at our partner and we say wow they are not having to go through this.

Maybe my body has changed. I'm responsible for nourishing this child or I am up at night looking into all of these things for my child's development or what kinds of car seat they need which I was just doing.

All of the things that we are doing in our lives are changing in a way that we feel like maybe our partners isn't.

And we are doing more of this work. We're sleep deprived. There's financial strain. I mean we both can experience as both partners can experience this but what I'm saying is that most often I'm noticing that moms are reporting this and saying hey it just feels like things are not fair.

Welcome back to the Piedstock Talk podcast. This show's success is due to you and the way you share the show with others and leave reviews so continue to do so and thank you so much.

I'm excited to welcome back Dr. Asherina Reame. She's a licensed clinical psychologist and founder of Psych Mommy.

She was on my show earlier this year talking about why am I so angry, perino, rage and motherhood.

And she's coming back on to talk about partner resentment in motherhood and how to overcome this. Thank you so much for joining me again Dr. Asherina.

Thank you so much for having me.

Well, if people are not familiar with who you are or have not listened to our other episode why am I so angry, perino, rage and motherhood, tell us more about yourself and also why you founded Psych Mommy on Instagram and your website as well.

Yes, I'm a licensed clinical psychologist in Arizona, started my career doing all kinds of work in the field of psychology became a mom and made a huge pivot in my career.

After I noticed all of the changes in my life experiencing perinatal mood disorders it just changes and I mean it impacts your entire life right becoming a parent.

So I made a huge shift in my career and now this is the focus of my work.

Awesome and I loved chatting with you on our other episode about rage and I think this topic is also really important.

It's a little bit about partner communication on that last episode, but I wanted to talk about this because this is a huge thing I see in my office with obviously mothers, fathers, but you know I'm talking with a lot of parents and I wanted someone who is a clinical psychologist or trainers area to chat about resentment.

So what happens in motherhood that we can suddenly or even gradually develop resentment towards our partner that may not have been there beforehand.

That's a great question when we enter parenthood and we're in a partnership most often where you know we're just kind of cruising by we have a child and this is a big major life transition so like any major life transition there's going to be this learning curve there's going to be a huge adjustment period and what I find this is one of the biggest pieces outside of mother's own mood this is one of the biggest complaints that all the parents that come walking through my door will talk about and that's because.

As mothers we are experiencing so much change and often we look at our partner and we say wow they are not having to go through this maybe my body has changed i'm responsible for nourishing this child or I am up at night looking into all of these things for my child's development or what kinds of car seat they need to do just doing.

So like all of the things that we are doing in our lives are changing in a way that we feel like maybe our partners isn't and we are doing more of this work we're sleep deprived there's financial strain and we both can experience this both partners can experience this but what I'm saying is that most often i'm noticing that moms are reporting this and saying hey it just feels like things are not fair and that's kind of where it starts I'm noticing this unfairness I'm noticing that we are no longer.

We are no longer like romantically connected it feels like we're just two ships floating through the night passing through the night and we I mean it's just a digging up of tasks but most often I see this showing up because it feels like things are unequal they're unfair the labor is not distributed or divided appropriately and we start to see that resentment grew and this is not uncommon I want to say this like this has been researched significantly and if you follow Gotman.

Some of the patients researched Dr. John and Julie Gotman they have heavily researched partner relationships and within that first year bringing home a baby what they have found is that more than 67% of couples report dissatisfaction in their relationship so this is not something that I'm just you know we're talking about you know like oh hey you may or may not experiences this is showing up in research and it's really important to address because our partner relationships are satisfaction with them it's one of the biggest non biological predictors of postpartum

depression so it's really important to be paying attention to our relationship dynamic it's not just something that should is like an afterthought it is something that's incredibly important.

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