Behind the house I grew up in there's a spot in the woods where I used to go hide and

look at porn.

About a quarter mile in, far enough away that I had privacy but not so far away that

it was a risk of getting lost.

There's a stretch of woods in the middle of Kansas City suburbs surrounded on all sides

by neighborhoods and streets full of curious ignorant kids.

We actually found the point out there, magazine.

I grew up in the 2000s we had internet, it's not like I could have found it otherwise.

But looking at stuff on my home computer, I could have left a trail, you know.

It could have been revealing things about me that it was crucial that my evangelical parents

never found out about.

I found a play girl magazine in the woods, a game changer.

The first edition I found out there was called Boys of the Rust Belt, working class

theme.

A lot of generously endowed, hunk posing with construction equipment, all of them smiling,

all happy to see me, all happy to be seen by me.

I was young and I was hooked.

I know all about the dangers of pornography, okay?

Let alone gay pornography.

We were a focus on family home, abstinence, purity, fear-based theology, but sometimes

your body overrides your fear.

So I started going out in the woods.

...