Parks
The Smartest Man in the World
Greg Proops
4.6 • 2.5K Ratings
🗓️ 11 February 2013
⏱️ 70 minutes
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| 0:00.0 | Today's show is brought to you by Audible. Please visit AudiblePodcast.com slash |
| 0:08.0 | smartest for your free audiobook download. |
| 0:31.0 | Back Dad by the Bay where the fog creeps in on little cat's feet and little cable cars climb halfway to the stars. |
| 0:37.0 | Here we are in the celibreous confines high above the financial district where the blood of the workers has spilled ceaselessly for the ages |
| 0:45.0 | so that those who work for the gigantic monolithic corporations may live in everlasting splendor and glory and have a sponsored box of the soup here, Biel. |
| 0:54.0 | Here we are high atop alcove plaza. Once again at San Francisco's most festive comedy club the punchline ladies and gentlemen |
| 1:01.0 | This is week 14 of Sketch Fest. It's a hostage situation. Sketch Fest used to be a small cottage run business that lasted two days and no one went to it because it was in the mission and you could be shot by a crackhead. |
| 1:15.0 | Now it takes 17 weeks and is America's most comprehensive comedy festival. There's people here who aren't even in comedy and have a sketch show. There's like surgeons and shit like that. It got crazy. |
| 1:27.0 | As Iggy Pop said here comes success. Here comes my Chinese rug. So here we are at Sketch Fest and this is day 74 and as I say we're recording here on what I thought was a Sunday afternoon but evidently is a Saturday afternoon. |
| 1:43.0 | Fuck you calendar. Don't get away from me like that. Don't slip out from under me like a chameleon when I'm chasing you to the fucking forest floor looking for a meal warm and stuff. |
| 1:53.0 | Stay put. Saturday. Fuck you. Saturday. It felt like Sunday it was all foggy and shit. When you wake up on Saturday there's supposed to be fireworks and someone standing over you going remember me. You liked me last night. |
| 2:08.0 | You didn't seem like that. Sunday there's jazz playing and someone's making blueberry flapjacks and you don't even live there. Someone's just doing it and you wake up and you're like blueberry flapjacks. This is awesome and they're like, hi you really made some changes last night. |
| 2:26.0 | Let's start. I hope people are day drinking and if you're listening out there in Proofcast land I hope you are day drinking and if you're at the gym right now this is an awesome time to I don't know knock off and run over and get a big vitamin juice thing and then slip some vodka into it. |
| 2:41.0 | If you're listening at home and you're making tea a lot of people tell me they listen while they drive. I don't know when the last time you drank and drove was but it's fucking fun because seriously it creates a challenge and you can use those little |
| 2:54.0 | you know one of those little plastic things and when you fucking go over the side those are to guide you back on. They're guide posts to help you. If you're holding fucking let it flow like that shit up as Snoop Dogg once said and Proop Lion is now encouraging you to do. We're going to have a boring preachy part. We're going to talk about everything. We're going to take questions. It's a full agenda here tonight. |
| 3:20.0 | We bought an albino alligator at the Academy of Fine Arts and Sciences the other night. It's not an actual albino alligator as you can see. It's simply a stuffed albino. It's not even a stuffed one because they're people out there freaking. I know there's an I know Ricky rocket from poison is listening right now with some other animal rights people going I can't believe you have a stuffed albino alligator. |
| 3:39.0 | It's a stuffed one like a toy one. There is no danger of any albino alligators. Greg Proop's podcast is albino alligator safe as far as I know. No albino alligators were hurt or harmed in any way during the recording of my except for one that I keep in the trunk of my car and never feed and gave him a fucked up name and I beat him except for that albino alligator and that one. Oh my gosh. |
| 4:07.0 | I don't know why I've called him Atticus. I think because he reminded me of Gregory Peck because I was looking at him in the gift shop and he looked at me and he was like oh. |
| 4:18.0 | Hello scout. |
| 4:22.0 | So I've been letting the alligator make all the decisions of my life because I feel that a stuffed reptile is the best guidepost in a world where people claim that they know shit because they believe it. |
| 4:33.0 | Let's start with a quote. Really Greg with this female coherent and what's happened up till now. Everybody cool your fucking jets and shit. It's free to download so don't anyone panic. |
| 4:44.0 | You can skip through as quickly as you like. This is from Jim Morrison you may remember him. He was in a group called the doors and they were quite big in the 60s and then he passed away and then when apocalypse now came out in 1978 I saw it at the North Point Theatre here. |
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