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Welcome to Ambridge on the couch.

What's the next bit?

I thought my brain would automatically take over.

Turns out.

No.

She's got a new phone, ladies and gentlemen, so she doesn't have a script on it.

It doesn't have, probably does, but I don't know how to find it.

Welcome to Ambridge on the couch.

An in-depth look at the archers with me, Harriet Carmichael, Lucy Freeman, Jeff Thomas, Matt Rodriguez-Paid and James Everett. Now, before we make a start on your emails, I just needed to get to that. I panicked, my brain panicked. Now before we get and start, let's have let's have this week in The Archers.

We began the week with Tony and sausage boy making action plans about sprouts.

And Jacob tried to pack a coffee machine into a minibus,

along with a heavily pregnant woman, two pensioners and an overly controlling hippie.

Tony, by the way, attempted to set this entire thing up, I realised. As was always the case,

he very nearly got what he wanted, not going on holiday, and refused to do what his mother wanted,

go on the holiday, but did both things through the medium of martyrdom so he could assume

an injured expression and complain bitterly about polytunnels while everyone else would be having a

nice time in Scotland, except of course he never wanted to be there anyway. There's someone who's

dedicated a lifetime to manipulation after an emotionally blackmailing mother, and the only

...