Not the Daughter She Wanted

Modern Love

The New York Times

Love, New York Times, Nytimes, Essay, Loss, Storytelling, Society & Culture, Redemption, Nyt

4.3 • 9K Ratings

🗓️ 26 October 2022

⏱️ 19 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

Her whole life, Putsata Reang (Put, for short) was accustomed to exceeding her parents expectations. She excelled in her career, paid for her parents to go on trips together and maintained a tight connection to her siblings and community. Yet a fundamental part of Put – her identity as bisexual – was enough to crack the foundations of their relationship. When Put’s mother did not attend her wedding to the woman of her dreams, she feared she would never close the distance between them. Today, Put shares an update on her relationship with her Ma — and reveals what’s given her the strength to hold on all these years. Putsata tells a longer version of this story in her memoir, “Ma and Me.”

Transcript

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0:00.0	Love now and...
0:04.0	Did you fall in love?
0:06.0	Yes, now I love love.
0:08.0	But stronger than anything.
0:10.0	And I love you more than anything.
0:12.0	You're still alive.
0:14.0	From The New York Times, I'm Anna Martin.
0:18.0	This is Modern Love.
0:20.0	In this week's essay, an immigrant daughter exceeds almost all expectations.
0:26.0	But in this one big way, she's a disappointment.
0:30.0	To the person she most wants to impress.
0:33.0	Her mom.
0:35.0	The essay is written and read by Putzada Ring.
0:46.0	This past December, my mother called me in Seattle
0:50.0	from her rural Oregon home.
0:52.0	She hadn't talked to me in months.
0:56.0	Her talk was sprinkled with the kamae word goon.
1:00.0	It means darling.
1:02.0	She had stopped using that word with me months before.
1:07.0	At the end of our call, she summoned me home
1:10.0	and a knot tightened in my gut.
1:13.0	Come alone, she said.
	...

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