Nice Guys Never Win | FRIDAY FIELD NOTES
Order of Man
Ryan Michler
4.8 • 9K Ratings
🗓️ 19 September 2025
⏱️ 30 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
In this week's Friday Field Notes, Ryan Michler breaks down the truth behind the phrase “Nice Guys Never Win.” He explains how the tendency to avoid conflict, suppress needs, and chase approval leads to weak boundaries, indecision, and frustration in relationships and careers.
Ryan outlines the real costs of “nice guy syndrome” and challenges men to reclaim respect through clarity, honesty, and decisive action. He closes with five daily practices to help men stop self-betrayal and start leading with conviction. This episode is a direct, no-fluff call for men to stop playing the victim and step into responsibility.
SHOW HIGHLIGHTS
00:00 – Defining the Nice Guy
02:13 – Consequences of Nice Guy Syndrome
04:32 – Indecisiveness and People Pleasing
06:53 – Suppressing Needs and Passive Aggression
09:18 – Inauthenticity and Fear of Judgment
11:43 – Playing the Victim
13:51 – Confusion, Distrust, and Frustration
18:43 – The Cycle of Anger and Resentment
20:46 – Five Daily Practices to Overcome
27:58 – Closing Thoughts and Challenge
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Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | I got passed over for a promotion because of office politics. |
| 0:03.0 | No, you probably got passed over for a promotion because people don't know you. |
| 0:08.0 | Because you don't share, you don't open up. |
| 0:11.0 | Even if you do, they don't know the real authentic version of you. |
| 0:15.0 | Well, you know, my marriage is breaking down because my wife is treating me this way. |
| 0:19.0 | Well, okay, but you've allowed her to treat you that way |
| 0:22.0 | because you haven't communicated boundaries. |
| 0:25.9 | We've all heard of being a nice guy and nice guy syndrome. |
| 0:29.6 | In fact, if you're listening to this, |
| 0:31.2 | there is a good chance that maybe you have suffered |
| 0:33.6 | from nice guy syndrome at some point in your life. |
| 0:37.0 | And I think it's very, very important |
| 0:38.7 | that we talk about what it means, how does it manifest, what does it lead to? And ultimately, |
| 0:45.5 | what can you do five things on a daily basis to overcome the desire, the need, the whatever |
| 0:52.0 | it might be to be a nice guy. So I'm going to jump right into it |
| 0:57.1 | because I know there's a lot of men who are listening to this who are frustrated with their |
| 1:02.0 | inability or lack of ability. I shouldn't say inability to communicate effectively, to share what's |
| 1:09.4 | on their mind, to have ideas and insights, and to be |
| 1:11.5 | respected by the people that they love, care about, and are trying to serve. So let's first |
| 1:16.7 | define what a nice guy is. I wrote this down as I was thinking about what I wanted to share with |
| 1:21.9 | you, and I think it encapsulates perfectly what it means to be a nice guy. So this is a man who is too cowardly to speak boldly about his convictions, stand up for his personal boundaries, communicate his wishes and desires, and share ideas that may benefit himself and others. Listen to that again and ask yourself, do I fall into any one of these categories? |
| 1:45.6 | It's a man who's too cowardly to speak boldly about his convictions, stand up for personal boundaries, |
... |
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