I am Laura Coates and this is CNN Tonight.

Look, I'm going to be honest with you.

I had a panic attack dropping my son off at school this morning.

A full-blown panic attack.

I was terrified at the prospect that it could be my last goodbye with my baby.

Wondering which would be the picture, the moment, the stories I might have to tell

to try to explain what this boy means to me.

I look at the teachers that were opening the car doors to greet him.

And I prayed in those moments that they would care enough to protect my child.

All of our children.

And frankly, I resented that they might have to.

My nine-year-old son, who was realizing now that children his own age

were murdered inside their classroom, inside their school, he's trying to process it all.

And he saw my own anxiety this morning and I felt guilty for even causing a little bit of his own.

And he actually said to me,

don't worry, Mommy.

I will be home tonight.

He said, I make a promise to myself every day that I will make it home at night.

Now, these should not be the promises any child has to make.

Not in a nation where our promises to keep them safe have not been kept.

You see, I remember when Mr. Rogers was trying to comfort kids like me by telling them

when you see scary things look for the helpers.

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