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Samantha welcome to the program. Hi Dr. Laura. Thank you for taking my call. Thank you. What can I help you with?

Um so my I'm an I'm an adult 56 years old my father is 80 my sister and I found out in a few months ago.

Oh she's been married for 58 years to our mother and we found out a few months ago that he has been having an affair with a woman one year younger than me.

So she's 55 and he's 80 and he has money to spend my mother is wheelchair bound and he's always been very attentive to her and why is she wheelchair bound? What's her problem?

She has a form of Parkinson's and can no longer walk and she can feed herself. She cannot stand up on her own or get around it all. So my father's been very attentive in helping her her short term memory is very bad. So she also has probably a form of dementia.

Okay, ma'am, ma'am tell me why you're calling.

So we have confronted him about it lovingly.

No, tell me why you're calling. Don't give me the rest of the story. Tell me why you want to communicate this to me. Tell me.

I guess my sister and I want to feel better about this happening.

Okay, stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Yes, you're right. This is about you feeling better about what's happening. Your mother is disintegrating and he's taking care of her while having a life for himself.

Yes, that's it. Period. You don't have to like it. You don't have to feel comfortable about it. But this is what's happening to your parents. She's disintegrating. He has taken care of her and continues to do that while he's having a life of his own.

Doesn't want to sit here and wait for her to be dead.

I'm not saying I do or don't agree with it. I'm just trying to explain it in its most compassionate terms.

Keep out of it. You don't have to have anything to do with this woman. But stop bringing it up and I don't care how you feel about it. This is the reality of what's going on with these two people.

Your mother's not there anymore.

And he doesn't want to wait till she's dead to have a life. He hasn't abandoned her.

And he does say he won't do that.

Shush up. Shush up. Stop it. Can you think outside your own box to what this is like for them?

Yeah, no, I'm agreeing with you that good. Then stay out of it. No comments to him. Stop talking about it with your sister. Get on with your lives.

You don't have to meet with this woman. I would not even recommend you do. All I'm saying is for you to understand.

Even if you don't agree.

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