Thanks for listening to my call of the day podcast. You can hear my live radio program Monday through Friday from two to five PM Eastern time on serious XM triumph 11. Renee welcome to the program. Hello.

Hi, this is an honor. It's great to talk to you.

Huge fans.

So I grew up in a double both parents were violent verbally physically abusive neglectful just very selfish people.

And then I've done 20 years of therapy because of that just trying to like deal with anxiety depression feeling like unworthy of love and all that kind of stuff that comes from being treated like that.

So recently I was trying so I was trying to do that thing you tell some people of you call them once a month you have a quick little chat and you get off the phone and you just kind of trying to maintain some sort of anything.

And then my brother had told my dad that I was talking to him about my brother about how like some memories I had of being a kid and he told my dad and my dad was quite mad.

I didn't know so I did my monthly call my dad and he was resistant and then he then he switched and I was like he said, oh, you know, call me a liar.

And he said, well, you talk about the past and he was quite mad.

And then I responded with reminding him how violent he was as a parent and how scary he was and at times I thought I was going to die.

At one point when I was 11 he picked me up my throat, slammed me up on the wall and remember my feet being both on the off the ground.

And I just didn't fight. I just was like, go ahead and done.

So then he put me down and then I actually said to him, I go ahead and kill me. I don't care anymore.

And I've been thinking about that now because my son's 11 and as my children have grown up, I have remembered what they did to me and realizing it wasn't my fault.

They would always say, well, that's your fault. You deserve that.

And so it's been difficult dealing with that. So I guess do I try and mend it with him? I feel like you stubborn enough sets over.

Can you stop for a minute, 20 years in therapy or this abuse and torture and you're still thinking of trying to mend a relationship?

What? Yes.

You've wasted a lot of money in therapy.

I know. And some of it is just trying to deal with my life and trying to be a good mom. So not all the therapies.

They are not like you're getting things mixed up now. Stop it.

20 years in therapy results in you thinking that when you heard me say, call a parent once a month, not a parent who tortured you.

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