Happy birth to our nation's first lady. Happy birthday to our nation's first lady. Melania Trump turned 55 over the weekend while traveling with their devoted and loving husband on their way to attend the funeral of Pope Francis, who, as we all know, was a huge fan of the couple. Couldn't get enough of them because of how they embodied Catholic values.

Attending the Pope's funeral was important to both Melania and Donald.

For Melania because she was raised Catholic and for Donald to make sure the pontiff was still dead.

Melania's mother and sister are devout Catholics, as is Melania, who in her modeling career often posed, wearing golden handcuffs and a red leather habit under the name Sister Squirt.

You might recall during the first Trump administration, Melania met the Pope in 2017 on a trip to the Vatican where he blessed her rosary beads.

At least she told him they were rosary beads.

Melania then asked the Pope if there were any job openings, adding since she became Donald's

wife, I might as well work for the Vatican since I've already taken the vow of celibacy.

So, why does Melania remain married to Donald?

Partly because, like many Catholics, Melania doesn't believe in divorce.

But mostly because she doesn't want to be buried, like Donald's first wife,

out on a New Jersey golf course next to Jimmy Hoffa in an unmarked grave after dying under mysterious circumstances.

Yes, Ivana fell down a flight of steps. Of course she did. Elon Musk came to Washington, promising to slash the federal budget by at least a third. So far, he's only been

able to slash his net worth by that amount. Nevertheless, by some estimates, Musk still has more

money than the bottom 53% of our entire United States population combined. If you were to add up

everything the bottom, 53% owned,

it would still be worth less than Musk's holdings. Yet somehow Musk is a thousand times as

worthless a human being as our entire country combined. As the segregationists like to say, send them back to Africa.

When Musk came to Washington a hundred days ago, he said he found trillions in government waste,

theft and fraud. Turns out it was Trump's cabinet. Nobody is quite sure how many workers he ended up firing.

There were roughly three million federal employees when Trump's reign of terror resumed in January.

It is estimated that by the end of this year, Musk will have gotten rid of about 120,000 federal employees. Perhaps the courts are still

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