Hello and welcome to not Somali Mormon podcast minisodes. Today I have an email from Carrie. She writes,

A few years ago, I began questioning my Mormon belief system. My doubts led me to

examine some of the ways that I had been damaged by these beliefs. I have two

teenage sons, and I realized that I was leading them down the same path I had been in for so long

and was doing it for a belief system that I now see as hurtful and untrue.

I served a full-time mission. My father died of a sudden heart attack while I was serving.

My mission president told me the news and he said, the brethren advise you to stay.

That was it. No compassion, no option. If I chose to go home, it was not right and I had to pay for it.

So I stayed and I didn't go home for the funeral. It has affected me ever since then. I wasn't able to

grieve, and that was not right. I told myself all kinds of things to make the situation better.

I tried to make myself feel special because I had sacrificed so much for the work of the church.

Whenever I told people that this had happened to me,

that I did not go home from a parent's funeral

because I chose to stay on a mission,

it was clear that they felt uncomfortable,

and so did I.

There was no way to make it seem right.

I was a young girl away from friends and family,

scared and grieving,

but the Lord was asking me to sacrifice it all

for his work. What kind of loving God would do that? But the church requires sacrifice,

and that's what we do. I have two mission-aged sons. A few years ago, when I began questioning my faith, I also

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