MEL ROBBINS: How to Stop People-Pleasing Without Feeling Guilty (Follow THIS Simple Rule to Set Boundaries and Stop Putting Yourself Last!)
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
iHeartPodcasts
4.7 • 30.5K Ratings
🗓️ 14 January 2026
⏱️ 76 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
Jay is joined on stage at Boston’s Wang Theatre by his longtime friend Mel Robbins, in front of a packed live audience. Their shared history allows them to speak openly and honestly about the pressure to be liked, the fear of being misunderstood, and how easily we lose ourselves trying to meet other people’s expectations. Mel’s superpower is her ability to choose herself in moments when giving up or staying small feels safer.
Mel shares the hard truths she’s learned about self-criticism, people-pleasing, and why waiting to feel “ready” keeps us stuck. Jay reflects on how constantly judging and fixing ourselves pulls us away from our inner life, and why real growth starts with awareness and self-respect. Mel also talks about how many of her biggest changes came from desperation, not confidence, and Jay reframes jealousy, fear, and failure as signs that something meaningful is trying to emerge.
In this episode, you'll learn:
How to Stop Letting Other People’s Opinions Run Your Life
How to Quiet Your Inner Critic When Stress Takes Over
How to Unlearn the Self-Criticism You Were Taught Growing Up
How to Stop Waiting to Feel “Ready” to Start Living Your Life
How to Break the Habit of People-Pleasing Without Guilt
How to Use Jealousy as a Clue Instead of a Curse
How to Keep Going When Desperation, Not Confidence, Is Driving You
Life doesn’t change all at once. It changes when you choose to speak to yourself with kindness, honor your needs, and take the next step even when you’re afraid.
With Love and Gratitude,
Jay Shetty
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What We Discuss:
00:00 Intro
00:17 What Do We Really Worry About Most?
02:12 How to Quiet the Inner Critic
15:50 Stop Obsessing Over the Physical
18:17 How People-Pleasing Is Actually a Form of Control
25:02 Start Listening to Your Own Needs
29:54 Finding the Strength to Let Go and Move Forward
41:15 Is it a Vibe or Not a Vibe?
46:18 Creating Safety by Letting Go of Judgment
50:04 The Power of Outlasting Yourself
58:50 Making Space for Hurt While Choosing Compassion
01:05:14 Turning What You Love Into a Business
Episode Resources:
Website | https://www.melrobbins.com/
Instagram | https://www.instagram.com/melrobbins/
YouTube | https://www.youtube.com/c/melrobbins
TikTok | https://www.tiktok.com/@melrobbins
The Let Them Theory: A Life-Changing Tool That Millions of People Can’t Stop Talking About
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | This is an I-Heart podcast, guaranteed human. |
| 0:05.1 | Hey, it's Jay Shetty, host of On Purpose. |
| 0:08.4 | On the newest episode of my podcast, we have an extremely special interview with Matthew McConaughey. |
| 0:14.7 | Matthew opens up in a way you've never heard before. |
| 0:17.6 | We talk about identity, purpose, failure, risk, relationships, and the parts of his |
| 0:22.2 | journey he's never shared. If you've ever felt stuck, lost, or in transition, this episode is |
| 0:27.6 | for you. You won't want to miss this one. Listen to On Purpose with Jay Shetty on the Iheart Radio app, |
| 0:33.6 | Amazon Music, or wherever you listen to podcasts. People pleasing is actually manipulation. |
| 0:41.7 | You're manipulating people so they like you. |
| 0:44.6 | I'm not some pushover. |
| 0:46.4 | I actually want people to like me, so I am willing to manipulate them by staying silent |
| 0:52.6 | or doing things I don't want to do or not expressing my boundaries |
| 0:56.4 | because I at all costs just want people to like me. |
| 1:01.7 | I'm so excited to be here tonight at the Wang Theater in Boston with one of my |
| 1:05.8 | dearest, dearest friends, truly. And I want to dive straight in, Mel, because you've got so much insight, so much |
| 1:12.9 | wisdom on this that I've been fortunate enough to benefit from in our friendship. But I want to |
| 1:17.7 | start by asking you, what do you think people are most worried about when it comes to what |
| 1:23.2 | others think about them? Well, I brought notes. |
| 1:30.7 | Because I know Jay asked very tough questions. |
| 1:35.1 | I think that the thing that we're most worried about is just that people aren't going to like you, |
| 1:38.7 | that they're going to misunderstand you. |
| 1:41.2 | That's the thing that we're the most worried about. |
... |
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