What's up, Mami?

You're listening to Women of Impact and of course I'm Lisa Bailu and today I want to

talk about something that I know so many women reach out to me and talk to me about.

That is so frustrating, it's confusing, it's downright exhausting and so many women have to deal with it. What am I talking about? Dayton. Now it doesn't matter what age you are, whether in your early 20s or let's say you're in your late 60s. No matter what age, dating can be tricky, it can be rough, it can be

damaging to your self-esteem, or it can be the most beautiful thing that you've done

because it ends up bringing the most perfect person into your life. But let's be real, modern dating is a bit of a mess. That's right, you finally work up all the courage to put yourself out there, you really do the internal work, and then what do you get? Yet freaking mix signals, ghosting, guys who just aren't looking for anything serious and endless swiping over and over and over again that makes you question if love even exists, it makes you question everything. But here's the truth, dating isn't just about luck. It's actually a skill. Now bear with me here, if we could learn the skill of dating, you will never find yourself putting your power in someone else's hands. You're never going to find yourself, I don't want to say never find yourself disappointed, but the truth is you're never going to be surprised by actions because you are in the driving seat. You understand the language of dating. You have learned it just like any other skill. That's why I brought on today Logan Yuri. Now she is a behavioural scientist, a dating coach and a director of relationship science at Hinge and she studies what actually works in dating and relationships and she brings data to the table so this isn't about getting in our feelings. This is about looking at the science of dating, learning it and then using it to, I want to say to our advantage. Yes, I'm going to go with that one. Now today she breaks down the three biggest dating blind spots that are actually keeping us single and she also talks about though, don't worry, how to fix them. We then talk about why the perfect type might be the reason why you're still actually swiping. And then we talk about how to stop waiting for the right person to magically appear and start taking control of our love life. Guys, I get very tactical in this episode because as you know, if you're a fan of Women of Impact, there are multiple episodes that are going to move you emotionally, they're going to really pull at the heartstrings. But sometimes we need those tactical things that are going help us build the skills. And because so many women reached out to me about dating, I felt like this was the perfect person to bring the skills to the table. So if you're ready to some wasting time on the wrong people and actually find a relationship that makes you feel seen, heard and loved, then this episode, my homie, is for you. So let's dive in right now with my

girl Logan Yuri right here on Women of Impact. Dating can be terrifying because first of all you're putting yourself out there, you're fearing rejection, you're wondering are they the one or you're just wasting time and then the disappointment ends up piling up and you find yourself asking am I actually dateable. Now as the director of relationship behavioural science at

hinge, what on earth are we getting wrong that makes finding love feel so impossible? So I think in general dating is hard, dating is scary, you're basically presenting yourself and saying, this is who I am, do you like me, would you want to be with me? And at the same time, you're evaluating the other person. But there's things about dating that have always been hard,

and I think one of them is rejection, especially when you're like, this is the time it's going to work out. Finally, I've met my person, and then suddenly, you know, someone's single at 33, and they're like, this is just not where I thought I would be. So there's some dating blind spots that are holding people back. So dating blind spots are these patterns of behavior

that hold people back from finding love, but why they're blind spots is that you can't identify them on your own. And that's why when I work with people in a coaching capacity, I often start by saying, before we meet for the first time, I want you to ask your friends and family, why do you think I'm single? And it's vulnerable for people, but that's sort of part of it. It's saying to your friends and family and community, hey, I'm putting myself out there and I really want to learn and grow. And then they will help hold you accountable and they will be there with you on your journey. So sometimes the things that people bring to me are things like, oh, my mom says I'm perfect and I just haven't met the right guy yet. or stuff where you're like, okay, you're not perfect. No one's perfect. Let's work on this stuff that can actually change. But a lot of times they bring in really juicy stuff. Like, you know, I think you're traveling for work so much and I understand that that's important for your job. But what can you do to also prioritize relationships? And I think that one's so big because I feel like work is very seductive, right?

And so oftentimes people are like, I'm gonna give up on dating or I'm gonna take a break from dating because work, it's so easy and it's so gamified. Other things that people tell me when they say, you know, why am I single? I often hear I'm too picky or I'm not picky enough. I think that's one that's not explored that often, they're not picking it up. It's like, you might need to raise your standards

or as you get older, you need to date a different type of person who's more of a life partner than sort of a fling. And so I took all of these different reasons why people were single and I categorized them into this framework called the three dating tendencies. And this is a quiz that people can take online.

And you can have more than one,

but just helpful to be able to explain to yourself

and others maybe what your blind spot is.

So the first one is called the Romanticizer.

And this is someone who really has unrealistic

expectations of relationships.

So for the Romanticizer, there's really this feeling of,

I'll know it when I see it, there's a soulmate for me,

there's one person for everyone, and I just need to find my person. And while that's very sweet, it often causes problems. Because if they meet someone who's great, but doesn't match their vision of what their soulmate should look like, they may give up on that person because they'll say, oh, this isn't my soulmate. or if the relationship hits that inevitable rough spot, which they all do, they'll say,

well, if this were my soulmate, we wouldn't fight. So for the romanticizer, it's really about the fact that great relationships require work. And that if you're putting in that effort, that's a good thing, not a bad thing, and to worry less about the we-net. So if you're going to be with someone for 50 years, the day you meet is 0.0055% of the

...