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Clear Intentions with Diane Boden

Marriage as a Path to Healing & Growth | Dan Allender (EP22)

Clear Intentions with Diane Boden

Diane Boden

Self-improvement, How To, Kids & Family, Mental Health, Education, Parenting, Health & Fitness

4.8 • 952 Ratings

🗓️ 4 April 2025

⏱️ 36 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

Note: I have listeners of all faith backgrounds that listen to the podcast. This episode is coming from a christian perspective so if that’s something that doesn’t fit what you’re looking for, check out the other episode that dropped this week or join me back here next Tuesday for a conversation that you don’t want to miss!

Every relationship has its highs and lows, but we often don't know what to do with our "lows," or how we ended up there. In today’s conversation, I sit down with therapist and author Dan Allender to discuss his new book, Deep-Rooted Marriage. He shares how deeper intimacy can be a source of healing and joy. More often than not, the hidden forces fueling conflict and disconnection stem from the unresolved stories of our past. But if we’re willing to examine them with honesty and courage, we can begin to rewrite a new, more hopeful story for the future.

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About Dan|

Dr. Dan Allender is a pioneer of a unique and innovative approach to trauma and abuse therapy. He earned a master of divinity from Westminster Theological Seminary, followed by a Ph.D. in counseling psychology from Michigan State University. Dan served on the faculty of the Biblical Counseling Department at Grace Theological Seminary from 1983 to 1989 and at Colorado Christian University from 1989 to 1997. In 1997, Dan and a cadre of others founded the Seattle School of Theology & Psychology, where he served as president from 2002 to 2009. In 2011, he established The Allender Center with the mission of fostering healing and equipping leaders and mental health professionals with the courage to confront others' stories of harm. Dan has authored or co-authored over two dozen books and continues to serve as a professor of counseling psychology at the Seattle School.


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Questions |



  • If you’ve been struggling with motivation to declutter or work through bad habits that keep you stuck, I’d love to help you achieve your goals! We’ll work together (locally or virtually) to discover what areas in your life are high priority to get you feeling less overwhelmed right away.  For more info on my processes, fees, and availability please contact!


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Transcript

Click on a timestamp to play from that location

0:00.0

Before we start the episode, I wanted to note that I do have listeners of all faith backgrounds that listen to this podcast. Today's episode is coming from a Christian perspective. So if that's something that doesn't fit what you're looking for, check out one of the other episodes that drop this week or join me back here next week for conversations that you don't want to miss. Relationships not only expose us, but invite us to a life, to a remarkable life. If there's

0:25.7

not mutuality, then in some sense it becomes a power dynamic. I've never had a taste of what I believe

0:33.8

heaven will hold for me like I have had in a relationship with my wife, Becky.

0:39.4

And I'd also say I've never had a taste of hell like being married to her.

0:45.1

But I would say as a therapist, most people have certain realms where they know if they go there, things are going to get hot or cold or not pleasant.

0:58.8

Marriage always begins with a death.

1:01.8

And if you're not willing to die, and again, this is one that is an ongoing death, then you can't create life.

1:12.9

Kindness is not niceness.

1:15.0

It's the capacity to bring goodness, which includes truth, but also mercy, into the relationship,

1:22.5

to be able to honor the other.

1:26.1

Every relationship has its highs and lows, but we often don't know what to do with our lows

1:31.3

or how we ended up there.

1:33.3

In today's conversation, I speak with author of the deep-rooted marriage, Dan Allianer,

1:38.3

as he discusses how deeper intimacy can bring more healing and delight.

1:42.3

More often than not, the unseen elements creating friction,

1:45.6

exacerbating our pain, and standing in the way of intimacy are the stories of our past drifting

1:50.0

into the present. But if we are willing to look at them closely, we will be able to write a new

1:55.3

story for the future. It's my hope that this conversation prompts you to just that. But before we get into the conversation, I want to thank today's sponsors.

2:03.7

If any of them peak your interest, be sure to check them out.

2:07.0

But as I always say, if you don't need it, it's not a good deal.

2:10.1

And then lastly, if you have yet to leave a rating and review for the Clear Intentions

2:14.0

podcast, pause the episode.

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