Love Therapist on Why You Seek Validation and What to Do Instead | Jordan Green on Women of Impact

Women of Impact

Impact Theory

Society & Culture, Relationships, Education

4.8 • 701 Ratings

🗓️ 7 April 2021

⏱️ 50 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

Do you find it a struggle to love yourself in spite of how much you put on the line day after day for everyone else? How can it be so easy to put others first? Have you ever wondered, If you said to others what you say to yourself, would they love you, could they trust you or build a deeper connection with you? Lisa speaks with Jordan Green, a licensed therapist and coach, and the founder of the Love Group about the importance of self-validation, self-love and relationships in this episode. Jordan shares incredible insights on what it takes to have healthy relationships, what healthy conflict looks like and how it all starts with first valuing and loving yourself. SHOW NOTES: Know Your Value | The importance of your value and how it impacts your relationships [1:29] Love Letters | You can start doing these two simple things to start valuing yourself today [2:16] Seeking Validation | When seeking validation is okay and where it becomes a problem [3:40] Healthy Relationships | What validation looks like in a health relationship [7:25] Interdependence | Jordan breaks down what healthy identities look for couples [8:28] Nonverbal Communication | Jordan breaks down 4 types of communication breaking down relationships [10:17] Criticism | Jordan explains how criticism breaks down relationships [11:25] Contempt | Jordan explains how contempt is the greatest predictor of divorce [12:49] Defensiveness | Jordan explains how defensiveness escalates conflict [15:59] Stonewalling | Jordan on how emotional overwhelm can lead to shutting down [17:48] Self Regulate | Jordan explains techniques to self regulate or co-regulate [ 20:54] Turning Towards | The power of turning towards a person seeking your attention [22:54] Healthy Conflict | Jordan shares healthy and unhealthy ratios of conflict in relationships [25:13] Better Relationship Tips | Small bank appreciation deposits and minimal withdrawals [27:17] Not Being Needy | Jordan on how to communicate and not feel needy in a relationship [31:43] Rupture Repairs | How to repair those ruptures when they happen and the effort it takes [33:28] 1-2-3 Baby! | How Lisa and Tom resolve their conflicts and one is emotionally sober [37:08] Certainty & Uncertainty | The healthy balance of both in a relationship [41:34] Check out our Sponsor Blinkist: Go to https://blinkist.com/woi Try it FREE for 7 days and save 25% off your new subscription. Follow Jordan Green: Website: https://jordanandrea.com/ Are You Ready for EXTRA Impact? Calling all Badasses!! If you really want to level up your confidence game, check out the WOMEN OF IMPACT SUBSCRIPTION, specially designed to turn you into the badass you were born to be! Women of EXTRA Impact Subscription Benefits: New episodes delivered ad-free Exclusive access to listen to Women of Impact round table discussions, weekly motivation, previously unreleased episodes, and more! Subscriber-only access to an additional 4 podcasts with hundreds of archived Women of Impact episodes, meticulously curated into themed playlists, and updated weekly. Looking to boost your confidence? Check out the Get Confident playlist. Want to repair and heal your relationships? Start with Love Lab. Curious about your health? We’ve got you covered in Health Hub. And of course, weekly boosts of mini-motivation from Lisa herself that'll have you strutting through life with your head held high on the Badass Boosts playlist Don't settle for mediocrity when you can be extraordinary! Subscribe on Apple Podcasts: https://apple.co/457ebrP Subscribe on all other platforms (Google Podcasts, Spotify, Castro, Downcast, Overcast, Pocket Casts, Podcast Addict, Podcast Republic, Podkicker, and more) : https://impacttheorynetwork.supercast.com/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcript

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0:49.9	slash setup. I hear all the time. Like don't seek external validation, validation outside of yourself.
0:56.6	That's not a good thing, but it's normal. It's normal to need to be validated.
1:05.0	Have you ever started dating someone and then one day they just don't return your calls?
1:09.8	A day goes by and still nothing. You text
1:12.8	and it just don't take you back. Do you start to question if it's something you've done? If it's you?
1:18.7	Or do you tell yourself it's inconsiderate and it's their loss? Here's another one for you guys.
1:24.9	You're on a date that you've been looking forward to for ages. You spend hours getting ready, you've chosen the perfect outfit and you gotta say
1:32.0	you're feeling pretty damn good. But they don't say anything. Not a peep. Do you start
1:39.2	to feel worse about yourself or do you not care? You feel good and that's all that matters. Guys, I think it's
1:46.3	safe to say we all want and deserve to be seen in a relationship, to be noticed, to be heard,
1:52.9	to be valued. But sometimes on the days we don't feel good about ourselves, on the days we just
1:58.0	feel insecure, on those days, the lines between them not valuing
	...

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