Love, Evolution & The Science Behind Relationship Patterns | Dr. Tara Swart EP 821

The Daily Motivation

Lewis Howes

Education, Self-improvement

4.8 • 960 Ratings

🗓️ 6 December 2024

⏱️ 4 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

"When you become a dad for the first time, oxytocin rewires your brain so that you're more into bonding and less into the testosterone competitive stuff." - Dr. Tara Swart Neuroscientist Dr. Tara Swart reveals how our psychological wounds shape our attraction patterns and relationship choices. Through her research, she explores how evolutionary biology has influenced modern relationship dynamics between men and women. While women's brains are historically wired for seeking stable partnerships due to survival needs dating back to our cave-dwelling ancestors, she reveals fascinating new research showing how fatherhood physically rewires men's brains through oxytocin, shifting them from competition to bonding. The conversation delves into the fascinating intersection of neuroscience and love, challenging traditional gender stereotypes in relationships. Dr. Swart explains that while evolutionary history has influenced relationship patterns, the core experience of genuine love transcends gender. Her insights illuminate how our brains adapt to modern relationship structures, moving beyond primitive survival instincts to form deeper emotional bonds, suggesting that our capacity for love and connection continues to evolve with our understanding of neuroscience.

Transcript

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0:00.0	Hi, my name is Lewis Howes and welcome to the Daily Motivation Show.
0:11.8	So you think we attract people based on our psychological wounds?
0:16.1	100%.
0:16.9	Wow.
0:18.1	And as we start to heal and grow, if the other person's not healing and growing, we kind of pull away. Mm-hmm. Wow. And as we start to heal and grow, if the other person's not healing and growing, we kind of pull away. Wow. That's interesting.
0:30.7	Oh, I can see the coax moving in your brain. I just think it's fascinating. Speaking I guess about relationships men and women, with all of your expertise on the brain,
0:40.5	is the process of manifesting love and falling in love different from men versus women?
0:46.5	I think if it's love you're really looking for, then it's not different.
0:49.6	Not lust.
0:50.5	Yeah, the issue is what you're actually looking for.
0:54.4	So you think men and women manifest love the same way, similar ways?
0:59.1	Yeah, I think if, you know, if you want that sense of partnership and friendship and intimacy
1:04.6	and you want to be loyal and you want it to be for the long term, then it doesn't matter what gender you are.
1:12.3	But if the disconnect is often, and you know, this is a bit of a stereotype, but usually it's more that men are sorry, that women want a loving, stable relationship and men perhaps, you know, don't want that as much.
1:24.1	One sex or whatever, yeah.
1:25.6	Or don't, you know, just don't want it right now.
1:31.3	Uh-huh. don't want that as much. Want sex or whatever, yeah. Or don't, you know, just don't want it right now. But go through periods where that's what they want and go through periods where that's not what they want, which I guess could be true of any gender as well.
1:34.3	But overall, more likely women will want to like be in a monogamous relationship.
1:39.3	Why is that based on kind of the brain size?
1:42.3	So it comes from evolution.
1:46.5	So when we lived in the cave, women did need men to protect them from predators and to hunt
1:52.6	for food.
	...

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