I'm Laura Stasi, and this is Dating While Gray, the grown-ups guide to love, sex, and

relationships.

Is a search for new romance different for widows and widowers?

Today we're talking about love after loss. When I was ready to start dating again, I thought it would be ideal to meet a widower. In my mind, a widower didn't have that stigma of relationship failure, like a

divorce person does. He was back on the market through no fault of his own. So I went online

and matched with a widower, the first online date I ever had. But our conversation over drinks

and dinner left me thinking he was a little too eager to get from

first date to happily ever after. I was running an apartment. He owned a house with enough

space for a blended family. I was looking for a full-time job. He called himself a good provider

with a hefty retirement account. I said it might be a while before I could swing a vacation.

He was making plans for exotic travel as soon as he could find the right person to treat.

It seemed to me this man was looking for someone, anyone,

to simply insert into the life he'd already built with his wife,

to fill the hole that had been

left by her death.

Now, I'm not saying all widowed people give off these vibes, and I might have misjudged.

Maybe he was nervous, too, and so he was overcompensating.

But I have been wondering, is there something different about dating after you've lost a partner through death?

Does the grief and the trauma impact the search for love if you decide to get back out there again?

For more on this, I turn to geriatric neuropsychologist Peter Lichtenberg.

Peter's insights aren't only on the professional level.

When he was in his 20s, Peter married his college sweetheart, Becky.

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