Just coping isn't a life any of our strumptop. But in times of struggling hardship, especially in 2020, many of us are finding that is about all we can fit in bare. And checking out is our coping device. Whether it's bad TV, alcohol, gossip, drugs, food, we all choose our poison that can numb the pain of today. And while in the moment it feels freaking good. It's not. Let me repeat, it's not the antidote for a happy fulfilling life that we all ultimately want. And today's guest, in my opinion, is the absolute expert to talk us through this. Guys, at the age of 11, she suddenly contracted two rare diseases simultaneously. An incredibly rare condition. She rapidly lost the ability to speak, eat, walk, move, or even blink. For almost four years. Four years! She stayed in this vegetative state and so checking out could have literally been her middle name and her 24-hour profession. I mean literally guys all she had was her mind. But what she did every single day to stay focused on not checking out is what got her through 20 hours a day seizures and after 4 years of building this mental strength, tactics

and methods to stay strong, did she finally wake and blink? Defying all freaking odds, she not only went on to move and walk again, but she competed on one in a gold medal in swimming at the power and limping and

made it in semi-frike finals on dancing with the stars. So please guys enjoy this intimate discussion, there's absolutely packed full of powerful lessons and deep insights that apply to anyone that is struggling to get unstuck. The freaking incredible Victoria Arlen. That is an incredible intro.

Wow.

Go. Thank you. I just wanted to give a brief description of the life that you've had because what you've had to endure and go through is so mind-blowing. Let's start from the moment you wake up and because it happened rapidly correct your health. Yeah it was it was I developed pain on my right side the end of April and by August I was in a vegetative state. So you wake up and you're in this vegetative state. Yeah. All you have are your thoughts. I'm guessing fear is one of them. Initially, I didn't realize I was locked in. So, because you know when you talk in your head, how you can hear your thoughts and sometimes they sound like you're speaking. And so I'm thinking I'm having this conversation and I remember trying to look around and try, and I'm like, why't I move and why does my head hurt and and I'm saying these things in my head thinking I'm saying them out loud but people more people are walking in and no one's acknowledging me and I'm like, huh, that's odd. Like I have a pretty loud voice and and I'm asking questions and no No intersponding. And so that's when I realized that I was locked in. The first day initially was really just trying to wake up from this nightmare. And then after that, fear had set in, but I also realized that having fear isn't going to help you move forward. It's only going to kind of hinder my processing and hinder me figuring out how did I get here. And so because my only recollection I had from that moment was this excruciating headache and being rushed into an ambulance. And so after that it all goes dark. And so I was like, okay, I can be afraid, which obviously I was, but I also realized that I need to figure out how I got here and I also need to figure out how do I get out of here. And so you can't have faith and fear in the same sentence. And so I just decided to kind of lean more into this hope and gratitude that things could get better and that hey, I have my brain, I haven't lost my mind literally. And that was really the one muscle I could use and the one muscle I decided to use for

good. That makes sense. Okay. Yes, it makes tremendous sense. And actually, that brings me to a quote that you said, and this is what made me think like fear is the first thing. I fight the rise and anxiety of fear and confusion and try to make sense of my situation. I need to calm down. I need to gather my thoughts and relax. Just remember I'm here. I am alive, I know who I am.

Yeah.

Walker, how do you do that?

So... down, I need to gather my thoughts and relax. Just remember I'm here, I am alive, I know who I am. Yeah. Oh, God. How do you do that? So, and that's probably what the one question I'm going to keep asking. Yeah, sure. Because most people listening or watching have, I'm sure at some point dealt with sadness, depression, anxiety, some form of, you know, they feel like they've hit rock bottom. Yeah. But as a functioning human, you can do things. You can write post-it notes, put them on your mirror, you can write, you can have mantras. There's mantras. Yeah, there's... But when all you have is your mind, take me through how you actually coax yourself through that, because I hear what you're saying. That first day I just told myself, I can't have fear and faith in the science and sentence, but then how do you actually do that? I knew my story didn't end in defeat and I kept telling myself that and I was very fortunate. I'm very fortunate to be the recipient of two really incredible parents and really and have three incredible brothers and my whole family just refused to go down the path of negativity and and fear and so my room whether I was in the hospital or in our makeshift hospital or my home was just filled with positivity and and and they filled it with positivity and love and so I had so much of that around me that I couldn't help but think about, think about the things I was grateful for. And I knew that you can be bitter or you can be full of gratitude, but you can't be both. And so being bitter and angry and nervous and anxious and depressed would only make things worse. It's like welcoming a rain cloud when I really just needed a little sunshine. So I decided to kind of just allow that because I had nothing to lose. I mean, I wasn't even given tomorrow guaranteed. So I'm like, well, whatever time I have left as much as I don't want to die, I also have to know that I have today. I have right now and I'm going, I'd much rather spend the time I have being happy or dreaming or being optimistic that things could get better because it can't get any worse. You really can't get any worse to where I was except die basically. And so I knew that it couldn't get much worse. And so when you're at rock bottom, when I think a lot of people forget, and I feel like I've had a frequent flyer pass at rock bottom, I'm like the platinum in the hotel, and the hotel like I'm platinum at rock bottom. But you really only have one thing to do, and that's look up. You can't look further than rock bottom. So when you shift your perspective and you look up, that's when you realize that there's a mountain to climb and at the top of the mountain is a beautiful view and you just have to take that step and climb. But so many of us get stuck looking down. Yeah. What do you think we do that? I don't know. I find myself too. There's moments where I still have them and where we're all catch myself and I think it's human nature. I think we tend to get fearful. I think just naturally I think our fighter flight is an innate thing but the thing is that shutting that off. We're not all of us are not getting chased by a bear which is basically what fighter flight is for is to fight for your life and get the adrenaline rush. And really until you have an anchor or something to believe in, whether that's faith or anything, really. For me, it's faith. When you have that anchor, it really helps you. It allows you to realize that like, okay, you're not stuck here. We all go through peaks and valleys, but I think a lot of us get comfortable being uncomfortable. I think it's realizing where are you comfortable at rock bottom. If you are, then you have to really look up. The climbing amount is an easy. This whole journey has been basically like climbing a mountain. I think we all get caught up where we scratch our hands if you will, or there's a mountain line or something and it's trusting that the view is going to be worth it. But so many of us forget that there's a view to be seen and we just get comfortable and that uncomfortable space. Yeah. Yeah, you said that we're not stuck then. That actually really hit me when you said it because most people, including myself,

when you're in that moment of rock bottom or feeling down, you do feel like this is going to be your world. This is it. Yep. Now for somebody like me who's not locked in, right, there's so many things I can do to try and get myself out of it. But you're being told on a daily basis, but all the doctors, you can't can't talk bad, you must say, hey guys, no, I'm still like, I'm still laughing in my head, I'm still telling myself stories, I'm still dreaming, you can't say any of that. So literally talk about getting stuck, you've got people every day saying you're stuck. Yeah. So I'll never mount to anything. I'm not going to make it.

They would make fun of my parents that my parents had hoped. They're like, this kid's a goner. We both know that, but her parents think that there's going to be this miracle. And I'm sitting there and I'm like, I'm right here. Like, I am literally here. And when you have enough people telling you, you're never going to amount to anything after a while, you're like, well, are they right?

There's always that inch of that.

And it took a while. It took three and a half years for me to actually consider that for a brief moment. And I was, I was in, and this actually isn't even in the book. I was laying in the hospital bed in our living room and we had a nurse with me and she was doing

something and I remember I really needed to scratch my nose. I really really needed to scratch my nose. Like right there and you know when you just need to scratch and you need to scrunch your face and whatnot. I'm going to need to scratch my face. The more it's just, the more it's just. And so I am, I am losing it because I need to scratch my nose so badly.

And I'm like, if I'm like, God, if I have one word to say right now, it's somebody's

got to know. It's like, it was so bad. And I had never been aware of that. And in that moment, I remember just feeling this like soul crushing defeat. And I had, I was like, these doctors are right. Like, I won't amount to. I can't even scratch my nose. And it was like this brief moment, this brief lapse where I just felt this defeat. And it's silly because it's no scratching. But it was that simple trigger. And I think the more I've learned, the more I've spoken about, I think we all have those moments where we can't scratch our nose, where we haven't gotten there yet, or we feel like we're not ever gonna get there. And six months later, I had that miracle, that blink moment, and I came back. But even now to this day, I sometimes forget that I can scratch my nose. And I think we all do. I think we all get so caught up with defeat that we don't realize that no victory is built in defeat. Victory's foundation is defeat, but so many of us stop building after defeat that we don't actually ever get to see the victory. And so it's like, I have a sticky note on my bathroom that says, like, scratch your nose, you know, like, yeah, because I have those because we all were human and, and, and I think for me, like, I still forget that. And I have moments of that. And I think how many of us have forgotten that we can scratch our nose or how many of us have accepted defeat, whether it's in your career or your health or, or in a anything, and you don't, you think that this is it. And that was of that brief moment for me, and there's been moments, other moments in the book where I was like, is this it? Is this all? And it's in that moment where you have a decision that you can break down or break through. But during your breakdown, you can still break through, but we get stuck. And so that was kind of like realizing that and saying, well, you get stuck or you settle or you you sit back and think, well, this is it or I have to this is good enough. And it's like, well, no. But it's it's going to be a little more uncomfortable to go after something that's great. Go after that impossible dream or, you know, for me, making the decision to live was not an easy one. I had to prepare to die and I had had Plenty of close moments of that and then but every single day making the conscious decision to live and I didn't Know of things we're just gonna say like this forever But I knew I had a purpose and I knew I had a family that loved me and so Making the decision because we all check out. That's the easy way, but the greatest things that have ever been achieved and the most beautiful lives were when you decided not to check out, even when it got uncomfortable. And it was very uncomfortable for me for a very long time. And my body was not my friend. It was working against me. But I knew I knew just deep down. I was like,

well, my story's not going to end in defeat. But I also know that there's something more. And if I can just get through this pain, if I can just get through this moment, if I can just get through this this period, I know something amazing is going to come out on the other end and and really kind of threw my hands up to Jesus and was like, take the wheel, because this car is going out of control

and just kind of surrender to it

and continue to fight through it.

And that was those were the two things

that really helped me kind of find that breakthrough.

But it was a lot of breakdowns in the works

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