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Folks, you know, we need to talk about something. Very, very serious. I'm coming to you with

some breaking news now.

U.S. President Donald Trump has declared war.

No, not on Iran, not on China, not on Russia or North Korea or Canada.

Donald Trump has declared war on penguins.

Yes, you heard me right.

Penguins, specifically the penguins of the herd and McDonnell Islands,

two remote uninhabited volcano specks in the southern ocean near Antarctica.

Allow me to break this down, okay?

First, let's set the stage.

On April 2nd, President Trump unveiled his so-called Liberation Day tariffs, a likely unconstitutional executive order, slapping a minimum

10% tax on all U.S. imports with steeper levies of up to 50% on dozens upon dozens of countries.

Tucked into that laundry list of nations were two particularly bizarre targets.

Two barren islands, home to zero human residents, but roughly a million

king penguins. What does Donald Trump have against penguins? What is he? What did the birds

ever do to him? Does he think that they're trafficking fentanyl into the country inside their

little beaks or something? But I digress here. Here's a question that we need to be asking ourselves.

Who's advising this?

What Stapper put this policy together?

Because when the White House list came out,

...