Learning To Trust Again

Love Over Addiction

Michelle Anderson

Society & Culture, Wifeofanalcoholic, Codependency, Relationships, Recovery, Alanon

4.8 • 1.5K Ratings

🗓️ 13 October 2019

⏱️ 9 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

Addiction lies. It has to in order to thrive. And we, as the partners, loved ones, and spouses, we get the brunt of these lies.

Do you feel like you’re reading into everything, questioning each detail, asking clarifying questions, or wanting them to verify their story? Do you check their phone for ‘proof’ they’re telling the truth (or not)?

I did. There’s no shame or judgment here. My ex-husband lied to me constantly. So I was always on guard. I had a strong intuition, but it was continually being tested.

I felt like I was going crazy. I was exhausted. Can you relate?

So one question I hear from women in our community all the time is this: “When can I trust again?”

And that’s the question we’ll answer today.

Find more here: https://loveoveraddiction.com/learning-to-trust-again/

Join the community: https://loveoveraddiction.com/

Connect personally: https://www.instagram.com/love_over_addiction/

Transcript

Click on a timestamp to play from that location

0:00.0	You're listening to the Love Over Addiction Podcast. I spoke at a conference recently and a woman approached me afterward. You could tell she was
0:26.3	shy and it was taking her courage to approach me. After introducing herself and telling me her very successful husband suffers from addiction,
0:37.0	she looked down at the floor and almost whispered the following statement,
0:41.0	I feel like I'm going crazy. I smiled warmly because I knew exactly what she
0:47.7	meant and I bet you do too. Feeling crazy while loving someone suffering from addiction is one of the many feelings that bonds our community together.
0:59.0	I looked at her very sincerely in the eye and said, you my friend are the only sober and
1:06.6	sane one in your relationship. As I flew back home I thought about what I
1:11.8	would have told her if I'd had more time and so hopefully
1:15.5	she's listening but even if she isn't this message is for you too. A lot of the time
1:22.2	we feel crazy when we accuse the ones we love of drinking or getting
1:27.0	high or gambling or cheating or looking at pornography because they flat out deny it. We are almost certain we detected a slur in our
1:38.0	voice so we ask have you been drinking and they get upset accusing us of being dramatic?
1:45.4	Or perhaps that business trip that they said they were on didn't seem on the up and
1:51.6	up. Were they really where they said they were?
1:55.9	You have doubts so you start questioning the details and they get mad and tell you
2:01.2	you're being paranoid. Or perhaps there is money missing from your bank account.
2:06.0	You ask them about it and they say they already told you and you're just conveniently forgetting.
2:12.0	I can give you example after example, but here's
2:16.9	the deal. You're not crazy. You're completely justified to be suspicious.
2:25.0	They've lied to you in the past, and so chances are, unless they have a long history of being sober, they will lie to you again. I like to think of addiction as a third party in
2:38.7	your relationship. There is you, the one you love, and then addiction.
2:46.0	The person you love is naturally a wonderful human.
	...

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