Jillian Turecki: Breaking Free from Family Trauma & Finding Love After Pain | EP 866

The Daily Motivation

Lewis Howes

Education, Self-improvement

4.8 • 893 Ratings

🗓️ 20 January 2025

⏱️ 8 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

"Two siblings can grow up in the same home, but have a very different childhood. I was a very, very sensitive child. I picked up on everything." - Jillian Turecki Growing up as the daughter of a prominent psychiatrist who wrote "The Difficult Child" based on her own childhood, Jillian Turecki's journey through family trauma has shaped her understanding of relationships in profound ways. Despite navigating a complex relationship with her father, who struggled with severe bipolar disorder and narcissistic personality disorder, she emerged with deep insights into how our earliest relationships shape our adult connections. As a relationship coach, she brings a nuanced perspective to the intricate ways childhood experiences influence our choice of romantic partners, often leading us to unconsciously seek out relationships that mirror our earliest emotional wounds. Her personal story of growing up in an emotionally volatile household, where hypervigilance became a survival skill, offers powerful lessons about healing and transformation. Turecki shares her professional expertise on why many people unknowingly marry someone similar to the parent with whom they struggled most, exploring the unconscious patterns that drive our relationship choices. Her approach acknowledges that while forgiveness isn't always necessary or appropriate, especially in cases of abuse, finding peace with our past is crucial for building healthy relationships.

Transcript

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0:00.0	Hi, my name is Lewis Howes and welcome to the Daily Motivation Show.
0:12.7	Why do you think we need to make peace with our parents in order to have a healthy, loving relationship with a partner?
0:19.4	So one thing that I explained in that chapter is just because I want to put it out there,
0:24.0	I don't believe that you have to forgive a parent that abused you or sexually abused you
0:28.4	or anything like that. So I don't think, yes, you have to reach some level of peace with your
0:34.8	past and work through therapy. So I do, I do put a disclaimer in there
0:39.9	that I do think that there are certain circumstances where I do not, I don't, you know, I think
0:46.5	people who overcome that kind of thing, like those are the heroes to me. Those are not,
0:50.5	those are not survivors to me, they're heroes. And when I work with people like that who've gone through something like that,
0:57.6	I try to help them see the hero in inside themselves, not just the survivor.
1:02.7	But I never, ever, ever suggest, like, you know, reconnect with this person.
1:08.0	Yeah, because being sexually or physically abused by a family member is probably
1:13.8	got to be one of the most psychological, you know, damaging, damaging things that could
1:18.9	ever happen to anything, right?
1:21.0	Outside of, like, I don't know, watching someone murder someone that you care about in front
1:25.1	of you, like...
1:25.9	Or suicide.
1:26.7	Something like that.
1:27.3	Yeah. Those instances. But someone that you care about in front of you, like... Or suicide. Something like that. Yeah.
1:27.7	Those instances.
1:28.6	But someone that you came from who is then sexually or physically abusing you.
1:33.9	It's horrendous.
	...

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