It's never too late for a revelation

Garrison Keillor's Podcast

Prairie Home Productions

Society & Culture, Fiction, Comedy Fiction, Improv, Comedy

4.8 • 1.1K Ratings

🗓️ 25 January 2025

⏱️ 8 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

My steak arrived and I hated it. It was tender to the point of being gelatinous. It was rare, not medium rare. It wasn’t chewy, as steak should be. It was sort of like eating raw liver. But when the waiter came by to ask if everything was okay, I said, not wanting to be a complainer or seem unworthy of this great delicacy, “It’s wonderful.” Other Midwesterners have this same problem. Hauled to the gallows to be hanged for a crime we didn’t commit, asked by the hangman if the noose is too tight, we’d say, “It’s just fine. Very comfortable. And if you don’t mind, please don’t offer me a last cigarette, I quit smoking years ago.” Self-advocacy was not taught in the Anoka, Minnesota, public schools back in my day. We were taught to be grateful for what we had.I paid for the dinner, a sum of money I associate with first-class round-trip airfare between New York and L.A., and I went home, fell into bed, woke around 3 a.m. feeling an urgent need for Alka-Seltzer. I took two tablets, which helped. Around six, I took two more. I felt queasy most of Monday, was okay by Tuesday.

This is a public episode. If you’d like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit garrisonkeillor.substack.com/subscribe

Transcript

Click on a timestamp to play from that location

0:00.0	I was in a flesh-eating mood last Sunday, and so I and two other cannibals headed for a steakhouse in Midtown Manhattan. My beloved,
0:27.3	the vegetarian, was up in Connecticut, so we were free from moral censure. And we found a joint
0:36.5	on West 52nd Street with tables out on the sidewalk so we sat
0:43.8	there the carnivore section of the menu was extensive and the prices were stunning.
0:59.9	The Japanese stakes cost more than my quarterly tuition at the University of Minnesota back in 1961.
1:05.6	I'm often shocked by prices these days.
1:09.5	Tutsi rolls used to be penny candy, and now you pay $72.99 for a box of
1:18.7	36 of them. But I stifle my shock at high prices, not wanting to seem out of touch or sound like a cheap skate. So, I bit my
1:32.2	tongue and ordered the 10-ounce medium-rare meat from highly sensitive Japanese cattle who are
1:42.3	given emotional therapy and massaged daily and fed kale and
1:49.7	arugula and mushrooms and are not slaughtered but anesthetized. It was a lovely summer evening
2:00.2	watching the people passing by.
2:04.0	This is the beauty of outdoor dining in New York, the constant floor show, where individuality
2:12.1	is allowed to blossom fully, even extravagantly.
2:20.3	You can watch harmless, crazy people, tattooed ladies,
2:30.3	kids who are creating a gender all their own, elderly, adolescent men. It's a show.
2:36.2	My stake arrived, and I hated it. It was tender to the point of being gelatinous.
2:40.1	It was rare, not medium rare.
2:43.2	It wasn't chewy as steak should be.
2:45.6	It was sort of like eating raw liver.
2:50.2	But when the waiter came by to ask if everything was okay, I said, not wanting to be
2:57.2	a complainer or seem unworthy of this great delicacy, I said, it's wonderful. Other Midwesterners have this same problem. Halled to the gallows to be hanged for a crime we didn't commit, asked by the hangman if the noose is too tight, we'd say it's just fine, very comfortable.
	...

Please login to see the full transcript.

Previous episode | Next episode

Disclaimer: The podcast and artwork embedded on this page are from Prairie Home Productions, and are the property of its owner and not affiliated with or endorsed by Tapesearch.

Generated transcripts are the property of Prairie Home Productions and are distributed freely under the Fair Use doctrine. Transcripts generated by Tapesearch are not guaranteed to be accurate.