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KQED's Forum

Is Your Perfectionism a Problem?

KQED's Forum

KQED

News Commentary, News, Politics

4.2 • 727 Ratings

🗓️ 15 August 2025

⏱️ 55 minutes

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

On the surface, being a perfectionist may not seem so bad. What’s wrong with wanting straight A’s or an impeccable home or conflict-free relationships? But, therapists have long warned that not managing perfectionism properly can lead to anxiety, depression and a wide range of other problems. Perfectionism manifests in various ways. Sometimes people expect themselves to be perfect or feel like they will never be good enough for others. Sometimes they expect the people around them to be perfect and end up disappointed. We’ll talk about the different kinds of perfectionism with experts who can help you keep it in check. Guests: Leslie Jamison, author; her recent article in The New Yorker is titled, "The Pain of Perfectionism" - her books include "Splinters: Another Kind of Love Story" and "The Empathy Exams" Sahaj Kaur Kohli, therapist, writer, speaker, and founder, Brown Girl Therapy; author of the book, "But What Will People Say? Navigating Mental Health, Identity, Love, and Family Between Cultures" Angela Li, licensed clinical psychologist, Based in San Francisco Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcript

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0:00.0

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0:07.9

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0:14.6

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customers happier. All built into a single platform you can use right now. That's why the world works with

0:39.6

ServiceNow. Visit ServiceNow.com slash UK slash AI for people. From KQED in San Francisco, I'm Alexis Madrigal.

1:02.9

In a new essay for the New Yorker, writer Leslie Jameson, profiles the researchers who have devoted their careers to describing the real and sometimes terrible

1:13.2

consequences of perfectionism in its various manifestations.

1:18.0

We'll talk about this work with Jameson, and we've got a couple of therapists with us this morning,

1:22.3

too, to help us understand how to deal with this particular cast of mind. They're all coming up about perfectionism this morning. The show was inspired by a new essay by Leslie Jamison and The New Yorker that makes the case for taking perfectionism seriously

2:02.2

as a component of mental health. Perfectionist tendencies can have serious repercussions, especially

2:08.0

in combination with other conditions. And Leslie Jamison joins us first this morning. She's the

2:13.5

author of the empathy exams as well as splinters, another kind of love story. Welcome

2:18.3

back, Leslie. Great to be back, Alexis. So as someone who I think would rate very low on perfectionist

2:26.2

tendencies as our live radio listeners can probably attest, can you talk to me a little about what

2:31.9

we've learned about the psychology of perfectionism and how it manifests?

2:37.1

Well, one of the most fascinating things for me in reporting and writing this piece was just really learning to differentiate between, you know, ambition, striving towards excellence, determination, like all of these traits that we

2:53.4

might think of as very adaptive parts of especially professional life and perfectionism,

2:58.6

which is really something more toxic and ultimately self-destructive, which is to say,

3:04.0

you know, as some of the researchers I talked to told me, like, one of the ways you know it's perfectionism is like reaching the milestone doesn't help.

3:11.4

So getting the grade you want, acing the test, getting the job, you know, rocking the job.

...

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