Is This My Inner Child or My Adult Self?

ShrinkChicks

Jennifer Chaiken, LMFT and Emmalee Bierly, LMFT

Mental Health, Education, Health & Fitness, Society & Culture, Self-improvement, Relationships

5 • 717 Ratings

🗓️ 18 August 2025

⏱️ 48 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

On this week’s episode of ShrinkChicks, Em and Jen are diving deep into inner child work—what it is, why it matters, and how to know when it’s your adult self making a choice… or your 5-year-old self running the show. They explore how childhood wounds shape big emotions and disproportionate reactions, what it means to reparent yourself, and how to move from autopilot to awareness. They also break down generational trauma—how it’s passed on through behaviors, beliefs, and even biology—and what it really looks like to break the cycle (hint: progress, not perfection). From grief around emotionally unavailable parents to navigating guilt with your own kids, they remind us that healing isn’t about perfection; it’s about curiosity, compassion, and regulation. Plus: how to deal when your mom won’t apologize, what to do when your MIL suddenly turns hostile, and why you will mess up your kids, just maybe not in the ways you fear. Tune in to gain insight, awareness, and action! PS: Fast forward to around 6 minutes to skip the intro and get straight to today’s content. Get Matched With One of Our Therapists⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ at The Therapy Group! ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ShrinkChicks on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Our ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Know Yourself Grow Yourself Journal⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠!! Check out ShrinkChicks on YouTube by subscribing here! ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://youtube.com/channel/UCrxuhDqoL4ML3UE8b2J2BBg⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ A special thank you to this week's sponsors for supporting ShrinkChicks! We have these exclusive offers for our listeners: Wildgrain: Get $30 off your first box - PLUS free croissants in every box - when you go to ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Wildgrain.com/SHRINKCHICKS⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ to start your subscription or use code SHRINKCHICKS at checkout Quince: Go to ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠quince.com/shrinkchicks⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ for free shipping and 365-day returns on your next order Greenlight: Start your risk-free Greenlight trial today at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠greenlight.com/shrinkchicks Mabē: Visit mabeproducts.com and use code: SHRINKCHICKS for an automatic $10 discount on your first purchase Green Chef: Head to ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Greenchef.com/50SHRINKCHICKS⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and use code 50SHRINKCHICKS to get 50% off your first month, then 20% off for two months with free shipping goPure: For a limited time, our listeners get 25% off at gopurebeauty.com with code SHRINKCHICKS at checkout

Transcript

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0:00.0	This podcast is brought to you by Podcast Nation.
0:04.7	So here's a great question.
0:06.3	How can I tell the difference between my adult self making a choice and my inner child reacting out of old wounds?
0:11.9	That's good.
0:12.6	Right?
0:13.2	So your adult self, regulated adult self, calm, curious, responsive.
0:22.8	Reactive inner child.
0:24.7	Reactive.
0:25.2	Yes.
0:26.3	Emotional.
0:26.8	Yes.
0:28.1	Anxious, often.
0:28.5	Yeah. Seeking safety.
0:30.4	Often not empathetic or systemic to other people.
0:34.3	Yeah, there's a saying.
0:35.1	If your reaction feels five years old, it probably is.
0:55.0	Yeah. people. Yeah, there's a saying, if your reaction feels five years old, it probably is. Welcome back to another episode of shrink chicks. Take a seat on our virtual therapy couch and get ready to learn all about, well, you.
0:56.1	I'm Emily Beirley.
0:57.4	And I'm Jennifer Chakin.
1:01.4	And we're both licensed, marriage and family therapist and relationship experts. We're the owners and founders of the therapy group, a nationwide psychotherapy practice with down-to-earth therapists just like us.
1:08.9	Your session is starting.
1:10.3	So get ready to know yourself and grow yourself.
	...

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