Is Complementarianism Damaging the Mental Health of Christian Women? [334]

Flying Free

Natalie Hoffman

Emotional, Narcissism, Christianity, Abuse, Religion & Spirituality, Spiritual, Christian, Self-improvement, Education, Divorce, Marriage

5 • 1K Ratings

🗓️ 1 July 2025

⏱️ 32 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

Have you ever sat in a women’s Bible study, nodding politely while someone says “your husband is your spiritual covering,” and inside you’re thinking, I think I’m dying a little bit every time I say “yes, dear”?

In this episode, I get real about complementarianism, the nice-sounding theology that quietly hijacked our self-worth, autonomy, and sanity. I share how I was the poster child for it once (hello, Created to Be His Help Meet), and how that life script nearly destroyed my soul.

I’m unpacking the research, the psychology, the theology, and yes, the “are you kidding me right now?” stories from real women who’ve lived this. It's systemic. And it's deeply damaging.

What You’ll Learn:

How complementarianism teaches learned helplessness (like, literal textbook psychology)
That a shocking number of women from these teachings suffer from anxiety, decision fatigue, and depression but think it’s a faith issue, not a mental health one
Why your pastor’s advice to “submit harder” is about as helpful as telling someone with a broken leg to “walk it off with a godly attitude”
That yes, the research confirms it: biblical womanhood theology messes with your brain
How to tell the difference between “conviction” and religious trauma

Read the full show notes and/or ask Natalie a question here

Related Resources:

Head to our website to find ALL the resources I packed into today’s episode.
Check out some related Flying Free resources, including an article I wrote called “How Complementarianism Causes Abuse in Churches and Homes” and an episode called “Do Gender Roles Contribute to Emotional Abuse in the Home and Church?”

Transcript

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0:00.0	Have you ever felt like the submissive, ideal woman your church promotes is quietly crushing your soul?
0:06.7	In this episode, we're going to unpack some hard-hitting research, real-life stories, and powerful insights
0:12.7	that reveal the true emotional and spiritual impact of complementarian teachings on women.
0:20.4	If you've secretly wondered whether something might be
0:23.1	deeply wrong with how we've been taught to understand biblical submission, stick around.
0:28.0	Hi, this is Natalie Hoffman of FlyingFreeNow.com, and you're listening to the Flying Free Podcast,
0:35.0	a support resource for women of faith, looking for hope and
0:39.5	healing from hidden emotional and spiritual abuse.
0:44.8	Welcome to episode 334 of the Flying Free Podcast. Today we're diving into a topic that,
0:52.2	let's face it, might ruffle a few feathers in the church pews,
0:55.6	but that's kind of my specialty. Before we jump in, I want to share something personal with you.
1:02.1	Years ago, I sat in a women's Bible study nodding along as the leader explained that God designed
1:08.7	men to lead and women to follow. In fact, in this particular Bible study,
1:14.5	we were going through a book called Me, Obey Him, which taught the view that women should obey
1:22.1	their husbands even if they ask us to sin. Yes, husbands trumped God in this view.
1:29.3	I highlighted all the right verses about being a submissive wife.
1:33.0	I bought other books with titles like,
1:35.3	Created to Be His Help Meet and The Excellent Wife.
1:39.1	I was in every sense the perfect complimentarian poster child,
1:43.7	and I was dying inside. Does that sound
1:46.5	familiar to anyone? Do complementarian teachings genuinely serve women? Or does this quietly harm
1:54.9	their emotional, spiritual, and psychological health? And let's be clear about what we're discussing.
	...

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