We're back with part two of this fire episode with a relationship expert Stefan speaks on how to avoid dating and even marrying, yep you guessed that the wrong person. Now ghosting being strung along and getting played just for sex as some of the all-too-common dating dramas which would all like to let's face it avoid and Stefan is here to help us do just that. He doesn't hold anything back guys on what it takes to date the right man and having that amazing relationship you've been searching for. Now we talk about why it's important to stop making assumptions while dating. We go into how to communicate with your partner so you're on the same page and why even a great amazing relationship won't last without a deep connection and so many more juicy bits that we talk about. So let's just freaking dive in right now guys. I'm your host Lisa Bilyu and this is Women of Impact. And how deep do you go though? Because to your point, I love the club analogy because it's so specific. But there's so many little scenarios where you're not actually saying the words and over time it does

build resentment.

So again, I love that you said about the club, but how had you start to dig? What are those questions that we can start to ask, are partners or people that we're considering dating to know if we do a line? Because some people will just stop at, okay, if you're at a club and someone offers to buy you a drink, what do you do? But it's very different if someone stands next to you, offers to buy you a drink, you say no,

and then they just stands next to you,

offers to buy you a drink, you say no,

and then they just start talking to you

and then they ask if you wanna join them at their VIP booth.

Well, do you know how many nuances?

How do you start to actually refine that discussion

without feeling like you're potentially

crossing a line of somebody else's beliefs?

So I think to your point, there's so many different little small details and nuances. And I think it would be unfair for us to expect that we cover every possible difference in the area. I'm gonna get you somebody hours, what do you mean? I'm gonna get the guy through it. I'm gonna take it. Cause the chances of us being able to even remember all these different things would be difficult. I do think though we start with the foundation, you know, and we focus on that. And with that, we then give each other grace to learn and adjust as new different scenarios and details arise. So I do think we do have to use a level of awareness in the sense of, for example, if my partner says to me, well, I don't want you dancing on some woman in the club, right? Then I think it'll probably be safe to say that me then go hanging out in the section full of women right with them. It's probably not something that she wants either. Now in fairness, yes, could it still be something that we can have a discussion about later? Granted, but I do think we can draw some conclusions based on the foundational principles of where we set our standards and how we want things to be handled and what we consider inappropriate or not. So I think just start with what are the common occurrences. Start with things that you know do happen to you. If you're a woman and you go out to grocery shopping often and you're constantly being approached, well then that's an easy scenario to paint and ask, okay, well, how would you feel if somebody approached me in the grocery store? What would you think is appropriate way for me to handle it? You know, that's how we can just start from there and then just build as life throws off new scenarios and new situations we need to learn how to navigate. Yeah, that's super fair. I really want to go down every detail. The way I write is going to be take a long time. And you said something, I really love to touch on. So you said not everybody is married or with the person that they actually should be or or they want to be. Yeah. Ooh, that was very heavy hitting.

And in your examples that you gave, I actually can really see that. So what do you do? Almost like let's take both sides of it. It's as a person who's maybe with somebody, well you're like a set-ord, you've had the same, you know, like you're okay, you're not like you're unhappy, They treat you well, they're good, you know, partner, maybe they're a good parent to your kids.

And then you meet somebody else and the attraction is there. How do you just discuss that with your partner? Should you discuss that with your partner? Or what do you do about it? That's tough. So it's hard for me to say you should go discuss it with your partner. Simply because you have to be prepared at that point of this negative seed you're about to plant by having that discussion. Now, if it's simply you met someone and you were very attracted to them, but you're going to cut this off and handle it, I don't think it needs to go any further than that. All right, because you recognize it from the jump,

you're handling it, okay. And you don't see that as cheating in any way. Well, cheating to me is gonna depend on the partners involved, because various people have different perspectives of what cheating is. There are women who feel that a man looking at porn is cheating, all right? There are some people who are gonna feel like any kind of talking, flirting, engaging with someone too long is cheap.

Like people have different views on it. So I do think this is another one of those things that have to be discussed early on as far as what is your line of what cheating is. And again, I think not just cheating, I think people have to focus more on what do you consider inappropriate? Yeah, that's a better way to say it.

Because sometimes we get caught up in the semantics whether, well, that's not cheating. I didn't do this and it's okay, but it was inappropriate. You know, I don't appreciate that. You know that I find that as a problem so you shouldn't be engaging in that behavior. We just leave it at that. going back to the situation, if you know you're in a marriage or in a relationship that you're

not really happy or you said they the situation, if you know you're in a marriage or in a relationship

that you're not really happy, or you said they're doing okay, but you know, it is what it is. It's okay, they know they settled, but they're doing fine. And you meet this other person, you have this strong attraction to. The problem is, I think what happens to a lot of people in that moment is it makes it even harder for them to appreciate their marriage.

So what I mean is, it's very easy to stay in a settled place when you don't feel like better even exists. The minute you get a taste of better, it changes everything. So now the little annoying things your partner did that you were willing to look past become magnified because now you've experienced this person who you if you have this connection because I also want to say I don't think it should just be based off of you having a traction to this other individual because you're going to find plenty of people you're attracted to. But if you meet this other person, you have this connection with, like I had a client one time,

she was married for, I don't know, 15 years.

And her whole story was like, she knew she wasn't supposed to marry the man she married. She knew it wasn't there with him, but she kind of just fell into it. It's a whole long story. But anyways, she met this other man who she felt the connection that she never felt in her life. And it completely turned her life upside down

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