What up maharmi, these bill you hear with another amazing episode of Women of Impact because today guys we are finally getting to the bottom of why seemingly interested men will actually just pull away a freaking ghost do. But how the hell are we supposed to decipher their actions? Well maharmi you've got the realest of the rule breaking it down for us today. Yep that's right my dude Stefan speaks, he's here to help us decipher whether these actually serious about you, or if he's just trying to get into your pants.

Now, Stefan speaks. He's here to help us the cypher, whether he's actually serious about you, or if he's just trying to get into your pants. Now Stefan is a certified life and relationship coach on a mission to make relationships happier and more fulfilling. And my man, Stefan, doesn't hold back. That's what I love about him. He's so transparent, he's so honest, and he is the realist. He's honestly saying what women like us need to actually hear. If you're trying to find Mr. Right and have a successful relationship, the fans wisdom will help you see things from another perspective and it will help you see things clearer and better so that you can go on to have a loving relationship. Mahalmi, I'm Lisa Villu and welcome to Women of Impact. It's diving in right now. My boy, Stephane Speaks. There's the old adage that says, treat the mean, keep them keen. And so why does that manipulative tactic actually work? Why is it that men can ghost us? And then it actually encourages us to try harder. So it starts with people seeking out validation. And it's a pride thing. It eats away at their pride when you reject them or when you ignore them. You don't give them what they were hoping for. And now to feel better about themselves, they go on this pursuit to gain that validation, gain that attention. But the crazy thing is for many people, once they get it, they'll go back to realizing, you just missed the attention. You miss how it made you feel. You know, or in some instances where the person is being treated, I mean, I think a lot of that also just speaks to the unresolved trauma in a lot of people's lives and how it triggers them in certain ways when people do mistreat them. But again, I think we have to not confuse the fact that it's not simply the mistreatment that keeps them around. It's the high level of desire they have for you despite the mistreatment because to say how it is, if an unattractive person met you and treated you bad, you wouldn't automatically be like, oh, I want them now.

You know, we can't just go around treating people like trash and that's gonna make them want us. No, it's the fact that they already wanted that individual. Now, despite being mistreated, it creates this attachment in the situation for a lot of people. But I will say that there's a lot of advice to men that tell them you treat the woman poorly and you're gonna be in a better position with her.

You know, it's like they say,

treated like a celebrity, it should. that there's a lot of advice to men that tell them you treat the woman poorly and you're

going to be in a better position with her.

You know, it's like they say, uh, treat her like a celebrity and she'll treat you like

a fan.

All right. It's one of the sayings they have out there. And so it's this idea that if you, if you give her too much attention, if you show her too much love, respect all these different things. If you put her on too high of a pedestal,

she will essentially start to look down upon you. And now she ends up going to the guy

who's not doing all those things.

So if you put her on too high of a pedestal, she will essentially start to look down upon you. And now she ends up going to the guy who's not doing all those things. So there is a lot of talk practices that say, no, you have to ignore her. You have to throw a little mistreatment in there. You have to be this certain kind of way. Now, for a woman to differentiate whether it's a tactic or not, I'll say this, the person who's genuinely ghosting you just ghost you and that's it. The guy who's using as a tactic, he may still throw out some feelers to try to see if you'll stick around. All right? So, women have to consider, okay, how was this man treating me before this action? If he was treating you poorly before he ghosted you, for example, then there's reasons to believe that this is either him just losing interest or it's a tactic. If he was treating you amazingly well, then he goes to you. Again, it's tricky because it can still be a tactic or it could just be he backed away because he felt like you weren't showing interest because for for what a lot of women don't realize is they get so caught up in trying to evaluate the man's actions, they forget the role they play in building a relationship. So essentially they meet this man, they have this mindset up, he needs to prove to me that I can give him my time and my energy. And she has this kind of weight and sea approach.

But in doing that, she's not expressing desire. She's not showing him that she's serious about him. And in today's world where so much more men have been hurt before, have been played, are carrying their own trauma, they're gonna be sensitive to the fact that you're not reciprocating the effort. So you'll hear these stories of women saying, And yet it's man treating me so great he was perfect and then gone.

Done.

And so her it's, oh, he was just playing a game this whole time because he was trying to manipulate me. No, he was genuine, but he didn't see anything coming from you. So he figured, let me get out of here before you end up hurting me or someone else came along who was reciprocating his interests. Oh God, this makes so much sense. Okay, so let's even go a little deeper then. How do you then prevent getting manipulated in those moments and build the validation? Could you actually started right where there's like a validation thing? How do you stop building the validation within yourself so that you're not seeking it from somebody external,

so that when somebody comes along

that actually is treating you well,

it isn't feeling a hold that's missing.

Okay, so let's start with building the validation.

So for me, I'm a man of God.

So I believe for anyone who's a believer

then going to God and strengthening that foundation,

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