While most girls at school were on the dating scene, I was in a long-term relationship with myself doubt. Yep, an abusive relationship that no matter how many times I tried to separate from it, dump it, call it quits, it just kept coming back. And just like a shadow, it has followed me everywhere, including into adulthood. Now guys, I'm not here to BS you. I still haven't figured out how to get rid of it. I gave up that fight a long time ago. But I did, however, learn over time how not to allow the doubt I may have in myself, dictate if or how I show up. And so guys, today I'm going to be very candid with you and answer your questions about self-rejection

and what to do in those moments of self-doubt. Welcome to Women of Impact.

Hi Lisa, this is Damien Ajayekson from Optimism Designs and I have a question for you today.

How do we as women who don't conform to the norm in businesses, what they say we should look like,

dress like, or even speak like? How do we begin to not self-sabotage ourselves and never move forward? We don't look, dress, talk, or speak like anyone thinks that we should. And then we begin to doubt ourselves or feel like we're impersonating someone else. How do we not sabotage ourselves, How do we move forward to be the best that we can be and being different and not conforming to the norm, but being the best that we were created to be, which is different? My spiritual gangster love that question girl. Okay, so here's the thing. We really need to think about who we want to be. Like all of these questions really come down to, we want to be something, we want to be do something and we have all these self-doubt to just keep hitting us. And so the self-doubt keep telling us that we should be going in different directions, we should be doing different things, you should be wearing something different, you should change your hairstyle, hair, example. And so it comes down to just identifying. It's all about the foundation. Identifying what is true to you. So you've got your spiritual gangster shirt on. You've got your box on your finger, which I freaking love. So those are moments where you're like, this is me. Okay, so the grain uses your identifying the things that make you feel like you. Now you can start to see if that starts to get challenged. So for instance, oh God, let's just say it's, you make a list, right? What are all the things that to me make up Lisa? So it's, I'm very expressive in my fashion. I love having weird hair. I love wearing massive watches that are bigger than my own arm. Like all these things I would write down. And then every time something comes to me, I would actually see if it actually challenged all the things I had on my list. So now it's not even about emotion, right? Because we all let our emotions take all, get away from us sometimes, and sometimes that can be detrimental to us. So what we want to do is have a list, no buys, what makes up you.

Write that list guys, write that list, pause this video, write it down. And welcome back. So now you've got the list. Now every time you do something just go back to your list, use it as like your cheat sheet. Take a look at Women of Impact for instance. There was one episode where I wore pink leggings. Now, I'm reading the comments.

I'm so proud of the episode.

The interview was freaking fire.

I'm reading these comments.

People are like, oh my god, Lisa, that's amazing.

Oh, I love it.

And then one comment is like,

I couldn't listen to this interview anymore

because your pink leggings and your 90 style

is too distracting. Okay, so here I am. Getting a comment about the way I dress, the way I look and here's the tricky thing. My goal is to impact people. So I've got a goal of impacting people and my fashion sense, my dress sense is now the complete opposite. I'm literally turning people off, literally just by wearing my leggings, I put off impacting people. So now here I am left in a situation. I've got a goal and I need to be authentic to myself. What do I do? What do I do? So in this situation, I didn't know what to do. So I was like, all right, your instinct Lisa is to get upset, is to you go to be dendin a conbellyship and freaking like my leggings. All right fine. Yes, I know that I can get over that. Now the next thing is to really address what's more important. What's more important? My business and my goals or my own self image. It's a tough one. a's a tough one. But here's the thing guys. For me to show up for my business, for me to show up for this show, for me to do the interviews, for me to really be freaking present for you guys, I have to serve myself first. I have to be there for myself first. I have to make sure I'm always showing up as the true Lisa first. And so I had my answer. And so my response literally was, thank you so much for this feedback. I'm still going to wear my pink leggings. And I'm so sad that they're distracting enough that you don't like the episode. But in order for me to show up every day,

I must stay authentic to myself. Now that wasn't easy, that was the very first time I did it. So I was in a place where I knew, no idea how to handle it. But the key is to just break it down, break it down, break it down, without letting your emotions get in the way, break it down, break it down, break it down. And so that's how I came to my conclusion.

Here's the extra thing that I'm gonna sprinkle on top guys.

I was very okay with saying, but Lisa, if you keep your pink leggings on, are you willing for the entire channel to feel the same? And now your entire business of, you know, doing these interviews and building this channel is gone. Now that's a really hard question to ask. Now it's really affecting, okay, how I feel about myself and my business, the entire thing, my entire goal. And I ask myself that question and the answer is yes, I'm okay with it. And that's now how I know, that's now how I have my guiding light. I am okay with my business failing. I'm not okay with letting myself down. I've done it too many times guys. I've spent eight years as a stay at home wife leading a life that wasn't mine. Fuck that shit, I'm not doing it anymore. Period! Done! I told myself that and I'm staying true to myself. That is it! No negotiations done. So now I know exactly how to do it. Boom! There it is! Okay, hi Lisa. Huge fan by the way. I'm licking and my question is regarding to I want to start a YouTube channel where I already did but only put two videos so far and that was two years ago and then I procrastinate for two years of course. So I was wondering how you do with that little voice inside your head because every time I put up a video or anything I usually just go like these are my first thoughts all sucks why am I why am I even trying, it's not a good and I reject it immediately. So in order to substitute that and reset my mindset, I was wondering what kind of phrases do you personally use to substitute those phrases and also what are some statements that are more realistic because if I said, oh I hate this, I hate this video, I can't really go to, oh I love it, I feel like I'm faking it, it just doesn't seem, I feel like I don't believe it myself. So what would be some statements or what, for you just do you personally use, there are realistic, truthful and encouraging. All right girl, that's such an amazing question. I've got the answer for you. All right, you ready? Right now, watch one of my YouTube videos. Now sit down with a notebook and do a column. Things you liked I did, things that you didn't like that I did. Pretty easy, right? You're gonna be able to do that. Now, why do we find it so hard to do that with ourselves? Right? your video that you said that you put up two years ago. Get a notebook, put two columns, what you did right, what you did wrong. It's so freaking hard when you do it about yourself because we have so much attached to it. We have our ego, we have our emotions, we have our feelings. But yet you would absolutely be able to do that on one of my videos but the second you look at your own, you're just going to be beating yourself down. So what I would do is actually approach it like a business and go, cool, I'm going to build something. And I'm starting from scratch. It's all about language that you use. Put emotion aside and just say, I am the learner. I'm a student. If you go in thinking that you're the expert, you're setting yourself up, honestly, for disaster. But if you tell yourself you're a student, imagine first day of school, you walk into the class, you're about to do, I don't know, I'm freaking philosophy or whatever. Let's say it's a class of philosophy. I don't expect for day one, for me to know everything. Would you? If you were studying medicine, day one, would you go into class and expect to be the shit? No, you're going to know nothing. You're going to know what you learned from high school and potentially in England, college before you go to university, but you don't have high expectations of yourself. You know I'm here to learn, I'm here to grow. I know nothing now, but that's why I'm here.

But yet we don't allow ourselves to do it

in other avenues.

So girl, literally change the way, the language that you use.

I love that you've already put two videos out.

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