You're ready Bruce, I produce your asks moments before we go live.

You bet, I say, but it's a lie, I'm not ready, not after last week's fiasco.

How could I be?

I check my mirror for any fault in my makeup, sucking my gut, then walk out on stage to

a live studio audience, enter music.

The announcer introduces me, I glance down at my monitor and cringe, the producers make

me out to be that sleazy game show host from the days of old polyester and all.

The camera gots to me, and we're live.

Alright, I'm happy to be here, hope you are too, I say, do my best Bob Barker impression,

let's bring out this week's contestant, shall we?

I'm looking at the camera as if asking the folks at home.

And then, cue the audience, let's make a deal with a devil.

This contestant takes to the podium, he's a ponchy middle aged man, casually dressed

with broad shoulders and a generous chin.

The camera follows into the podium, meanwhile the audience is going berserk.

Cut to me, knock it off, I tell the audience, playfully, they hush.

Peter McNamara, tell us a little bit about yourself, why don't you?

Cut to Peter, who's wiping his sweat soaked forehead.

Well Bruce, back in high school, I was leading quarterbacks for the Mayter Day Monarchs,

state champs two years running.

These days, I'm mostly so insurance, divorced, no kids, plus, saving the best for last, I'm

a lifelong chargers fan, crouchiers, alright Peter, are you ready to make a deal with

...