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The Audio Long Read

‘I knew the terror of lost time’: how my father’s dementia echoed my own alcoholism

The Audio Long Read

The Guardian

Society & Culture

4.32.4K Ratings

🗓️ 30 June 2023

⏱️ 28 minutes

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

When my father began to forget words, and then basic skills, I sensed his fear. After my own alcoholic blackouts, I understood what he was going through. Help support our independent journalism at theguardian.com/longreadpod

Transcript

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0:00.0

This is the Guardian.

0:30.0

To find out more, visit thegardium.com for where the Lash discover Piedemun.

0:34.4

This message was paid for by Mena Brea.

0:36.9

Please drink responsibly.

0:38.3

See drinkaware.co.uk for the facts.

0:49.1

Welcome to the Guardian Longread, showcasing the best long-form journalism covering culture, politics and new thinking.

0:55.5

For the text version of this and all our long reads, go to thegardium.com for a slash long read.

1:04.3

I knew the terror of lost time.

1:06.9

How my father's dementia echoed my own alcoholism by Octavia Bright.

1:11.9

The radio was playing in the background of my parents' kitchen the first time my father forgot how to eat.

1:25.8

It was July 2015 and the news was bad.

1:29.9

My parents and I sat around the table where they had first taught me how to use a spoon.

1:35.1

Though it was a mild night, my father huddled against the radiator for warmth.

1:40.4

I can't remember what to do, he said.

1:45.4

He held his empty fork before him as though it were an alien object.

1:50.2

What do I do, he asked, a tremor in his voice, with this?

1:56.2

My mother's fork was hidden in a twist of pasta that she had tweld up from her plate against the curve of her spoon,

2:02.8

and he looked from it to his own in confusion.

2:07.0

In the lamp light, fear changed the shape of his eyes.

2:13.0

He knew a fork is not something you forget how to use.

2:18.4

I glanced at my mother. She and I were now on the same side of an invisible boundary separating us

2:24.7

from this man we loved. We jumped into action, wanting to wrap him in humour and solutions.

...

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