Abusers who leave a relationship are as rare as steak tartare. In fact, waiting for an abuser to leave is similar to waiting for them to change. Or asking for a hippopotamus for Christmas. Riding a unicorn. Losing weight on a cake-only diet. Not likely. If abusers are so unhappy with their victims, why don’t they leave first? Because staying fits within the point of abuse: to control you. And unless he’s discovered an excellent and easy alternative, you’re an endless supply for your emotional abuser’s selfishness. On top of that, if you’re a Christian woman, he knows you take your vows seriously. He’s counting on you to stick it out, no matter what. He’s got “God” on his side. Finally, when he mistreats you, like any sane person or hurt puppy, you react, and it ain’t pretty. You’re so ashamed of your behavior. He knows it. So instead of focusing on the harm he’s doing, you’re consumed by what a failure—a raging, bitter wretch of a person—you feel like. And you wonder: Am I the abuser? You’re stuck between a boulder (an impossible, destructive marriage) and a hard place (your paralyzing beliefs). What now? This episode is full of answers: - Where I got $1.75 (and you can too!) - Why your choice to stay or leave your abuser is less important than your reasons - My relation to a judgy jerk (she looks like me, she sounds like me, but I swear, she isn’t me…anymore) and the hope that should give you - An abuser’s approach to counseling and change versus a survivor’s (one involves kicking and screaming) - Two analogies to solve your shame and restore your power steering: dogs fighting and a locked car in a parking lot. Listen or download the transcript at flyingfreenow.com/175 FREE: I'll send you the first chapter of my book, Is It Me? Making Sense of Your Confusing Marriage. Just hop on my mailing list at flyingfreesisterhood.com/free-download. (I will NEVER spam you or sell your information.) Desperate for real help and safe people who understand what you're going through? Find out about my online education and support program for women of faith at joinflyingfree.com And, if you are an already divorced Christian woman who wants to take back her life and get healthy, have amazing relationships, build a business or career, or even find a good man - check out joinflyinghigher.com