The right relationship will feel more boring than you thought.

In my 20s, it was all about chemistry and excitement.

But in my 40s, I learned that the right relationship feels calm and peaceful.

So how do you know if you're settling or you're in a relationship that's actually good for you?

We're talking about how to tell if it's

a right relationship or not. I'm you, A. And I'm Julie, and we're sharing what we learned the hard way

so you don't have to. That's right. I used to be all about the butterflies on a first date. Do I feel

like things? Am I feeling tingly? Do I want to like pounce on this person?

And I realized now in my 40s, those butterflies are just your nervous system telling you that there's

something very unsettling about this dynamic, that this person may end up being somewhat bad for your nervous system.

I think it's so fascinating that we can intellectualize dating with all these lists, right, of all the

criteria. But then when you meet someone that you have chemistry with, it like all goes out

the window and you're like, I found the person. This is the right person for me.

Yeah, you can sit there on your couch and make that list all day long. They must be like

X, Y, and Z and make me feel this way and treat me this way. But somehow, what is the story

you went up telling our friends? It's like, oh my God, it was like such a hot make-house

session. And we spent eight hours on this date. And it was like so much chemistry. It was explosive.

I think what I learned is that I used to equate when I like someone that it was the right

relationship. And it actually took me many years to

realize you can like someone, you can be attracted to someone, you can have all the chemistry

in the world, but it still might not be the right relationship. Like I look back and, you know,

I thought I met the one because it was the first time that I felt all the things and felt like it was reciprocated and felt like it was like kind of matching that like ideal person that was in my head.

...