You're listening to LifeKit from NPR.

Hey everybody, it's Mariel.

I wonder sometimes, why is it that as humans,

we can be our most confident, together, relaxed selves,

and then romance comes into the picture, and we get weird.

I mean, I've noticed this for a long time.

Like, you could have a friend who is like a really stable, rational friend

and then in their dating life, they're like a completely different person.

Allison Raskin is a writer, a podcaster, and a mental health advocate.

And she has a theory.

I think it's because it's a part of us that is asked to be the most vulnerable.

Like, it is often where we have the most intimacy.

It's also more, I think, appearance-based than other aspects of our lives.

So there's a lot of insecurity around, like, outright rejection.

It's really high stakes and it kind of taps into the societal messaging

that we should always have a partner and that having a partner

is a signal of yourself worth.

And so I think there's just so much tied into romantic relationships

that it can bring out parts of us we don't experience in other aspects of our lives.

Allison wrote a book called Overthinking About You.

Navigating romantic relationships when you have anxiety, OCD, and or depression.

Those are three things that she's dealt with personally.

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