You're listening to a special archive presentation of TED Talks audio.

This TED Talk features social psychologist Adam Galinsky, recorded live at TEDx, New York, 2016.

Speaking up is hard to do.

I understood the true meaning of this phrase exactly one month ago when my wife and I became

new parents. And it was an amazing moment. It was exhilarating and elating, but it was also scary

and terrifying. And it got particularly terrifying when we got home from the hospital.

And we were unsure whether our little baby boy was getting enough nutrients from breastfeeding.

And we wanted to call our pediatrician, but we also didn't want to make a bad first impression or come across as a crazy neurotic parent.

So we worried, and we waited.

When we got to the doctor's office the next day,

she immediately gave him formula

because he was pretty dehydrated.

Now, our son is fine now,

and our doctor has reassured us.

We can always contact her.

But in that moment, I should have spoken up, but I didn't. But sometimes we speak up when we shouldn't. And I learned that over 10 years ago when I let my twin brother down. My twin brother is a documentary filmmaker. And for one of his first films, he got an offer from a distribution company, and he was excited and he was inclined to

accept the offer, but as a negotiations researcher, I insisted he make a counteroffer, and I helped

him craft the perfect one. And it was perfect. It was perfectly insulting. The company was so offended, they literally withdrew the offer,

and my brother was left with nothing. And I've asked people all over the world about this dilemma

of speaking up, when they can assert themselves, when they can push their interest, when they can

express an opinion, when they can make an ambitious ask.

And the range of stories are varied and diverse,

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