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How to set boundaries and find peace (w/ Nedra Glover Tawwab)

How to Be a Better Human

TED and PRX

Self-improvement, Education

4.21.1K Ratings

🗓️ 22 May 2023

⏱️ 39 minutes

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

Telling other people what you want – or need – can be a really difficult thing to do! Nedra Glover Tawwab is a therapist and New York Times bestselling author who helps people create healthy boundaries with themselves and others, both at work and in personal relationships. In this episode, she talks about why identifying your needs is so important, clarifies what healthy boundaries can look like and shares empowering tools so you can advocate for yourself – and get the treatment you deserve. For the full text transcript, visit go.ted.com/BHTranscripts

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0:00.0

Ted Audio Collective. to be a better human. I'm your host Chris Duffy. Here's an embarrassing fact about me and

0:14.9

this feels like the perfect time to share it. I am very, very bad at setting boundaries.

0:20.7

If you ask me to make time for a five minute phone call and then you speak for two hours, I will probably not say anything to object, even if I have somewhere else to be.

0:29.0

If you tell me that the work that I'm doing for you for free is not good enough, I will probably redo it all.

0:34.9

If you demand that I move out of my home and let you move in, I can't say that I will agree,

0:40.4

necessarily, but I'm definitely not sure that I will refuse.

0:44.0

And look, now that you've heard that on this podcast, please don't test me on it.

0:47.0

Don't try, because I'm worried that I might let you do it.

0:50.0

And look, I know that this is not a good character trait.

0:53.4

I'm not proud of this in myself.

0:55.8

But drawing clear lines in the sand, it's hard for a lot of people, not just me.

1:00.2

And that is why I am so excited for today's guest, Nedra Glover To WAP.

1:04.3

Nedra is the author of the best-selling book, Set Boundaries Find Peace, a guide to reclaiming yourself.

1:09.8

And her new book, Drama Free, which tackles the area in which many people find it the hardest to set boundaries, with family members.

1:17.0

To get us started, here's a clip from a segment that Nedra did on the series, The Way We Work.

1:22.0

I'm a therapist whose job it is to help people create healthier relationships.

1:28.0

And let me tell you, it can be really hard to tell someone what you need.

1:32.0

It takes a lot of courage to stand up and say,

1:35.3

this is the way I want to be treated. Most of us aren't so great at vocalizing to the people in our lives

1:42.4

what makes us feel respected and valued.

1:46.3

It's true with friends, family, partners, and it's also true at work. I am going to practice setting a clear boundary right now. This right here is the line

1:58.5

between our show's intro and an ad break. We will be right back after this.

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