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The Mel Robbins Podcast

How to Have the Best Sex of Your Life: Surprising Ways to Make Sex Better Even if You Are Tired, Single… or Not in the Mood

The Mel Robbins Podcast

SiriusXM Podcasts

Education, Mental Health, Relationships, Self-improvement, Society & Culture, Health & Fitness

4.810.6K Ratings

🗓️ 19 October 2023

⏱️ 86 minutes

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

In this episode, you are going to learn how to have better sex. You have an appointment with a leading sex expert, Dr. Emily Morse. I will be the first to admit that I want to have better sex, but I don’t know how to achieve it. And I’m asking all the uncomfortable questions you want to ask. This conversation is going to make you think differently about this topic and inspire you to prioritize pleasure and connection in bed, no matter your age, relationship status, or gender. And if you are saying, “This doesn’t apply to me,” or as my friend just said, “I’m in way worse than a drought! At this point, I’m a born-again virgin." No, you’re not. And this episode is for you too, because our expert says improving your solo sex life is the first step. You may not want your little ones to listen because, when it comes to confessions about sex, I'm going first. Dr. Emily claims that everything you have been taught or observed about sex is WRONG. Wait. WHAT??... Dr. Emily is insightful, and this conversation is hilarious and actionable. You will learn: The 3 unexpected ways you are killing your sex drive. How to get out of your head when you’re in bed. Why meditation and sex might be the combo you need to orgasm. You are NOT alone if you cannot orgasm from penetration. How to tell time with your vulva (yes, it is a thing). Masturbation without shame and secrecy. Why skipping foreplay is ruining your chance of having great sex. The 5 ways your self-awareness ignites hot and steamy sex. Let’s stop faking orgasms. Know the four steps to how you can really get there. Grab your mirrors and vibrators, and leave your inhibitions and embarrassment at the door. And according to our expert, it’s amazing foreplay to talk about sex. So why don't you and your partner listen to this together? You’ll thank me later. Maybe we’ll call these sex episodes “Listen and Lube”? Xo, Mel In this episode: 2:40: Great sex starts here first. 5:20: Can you relate with these sex questions from our listeners? 9:00: The 3 elements that kill our desire to connect. 10:20: My ‘killer’ sex life right now, in the raw. 13:25: What partner are you? 17:30: Let’s unpack our lady parts. What exactly is a vulva? 20:20: One big reason why we are all being disserviced as young adults. 24:00: I love the empowering name Dr. Emily gives for masturbation. 24:30: The 3 reasons not to wait for someone else to give you pleasure. 28:00: It wasn’t until I got this from my friends that I learned to masturbate. 30:25: There are thousands more nerve endings in a clitoris than we thought! 33:00: Why are women so uncomfortable about asking for what we need? 35:30: The 3 T’s you need to start an awkward conversation with your partner. 37:40: Never talk about sex in this room. 38:40: Be prepared that your first awkward conversation will go this way. 43:05: 5 Pillars for having great sex. 46:06: Do this exercise with your partner to feel more relaxed and in control. 48:25: A technique to do on your own during sex to make you more present. 49:55: What happens in your body when you orgasm? 50:38: Is it healthy to have multiple orgasms? 52:55: What to do when you’re in a relationship that has become just friendly. 55:10: Learn to do this to increase your chances of having an orgasm. 57:00: How can vulva owners ask for what they need sexually? 59:20: It often takes between 20-40 minutes for this to happen. 1:01:40: How many times a week should we be having sex? 1:04:30: What to do when you’ve not had sex for a long time. 1:06:35: How is your current sex life tied to your childhood needs? 1:07:40: The difference between fantasy and fetish. 1:11:05: Jumping back into dating after divorce from 30 years of marriage. 1:11:58: Becoming intimate again after getting sober. 1:12:55: Why can’t I handle the intensity of pleasure? 1:13:45: How to have healthy intimacy when you’ve experienced trauma. 1:16:53: See a pelvic floor therapist if this happens when you have sex. 1:17:46: Is it possible for women to have sex and not get attached emotionally? 1:20:45: What is the “Yes-No-Maybe List”? 1:21:15: 5 steps to having the best sex of your life. Want more resources? Go to my podcast page at melrobbins.com/podcast. Disclaimer

Transcript

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0:00.0

Hey, it's your friend Mel, and welcome to the Mel Robbins podcast.

0:07.8

Okay, before we jump into our conversation today, I want to start by giving a huge shout out to

0:13.7

my therapist who's a woman named Ann Daven. This episode was inspired by a conversation that she and

0:20.7

I were having a couple weeks ago where we were on the phone and I was in the middle of a therapy

0:25.6

session and I said, or I said, you know, Ann, one of the things that I really like to work on in

0:30.1

my life is my sex life. I would love to have a breakthrough with my husband, Chris. And here's

0:36.0

the deal. I feel so connected to him. Thankfully, I am very attracted to him. But if I'm honest,

0:43.8

I'm just not that satisfied with our sex life. And the truth is neither is he. I mean, we've been

0:49.2

together 29 years. So we both have our moves. We know what to expect. We'd both like to be having

0:56.4

more sex and not feel so tired. And I would also like to think that I could make this next chapter

1:04.4

of my life the best sex of my entire life. I mean, wouldn't that be awesome if you knew that

1:12.3

on the road ahead of you is the best sex is the most pleasure. And so here's what my therapist

1:18.1

Dan Daven said. Mel, you got to reach out to Emily Morris. I'm like, Emily Morris, who's Emily

1:23.3

Morris? She said, Dr. Emily, she's been hosting the hit podcast Sex with Emily for almost 18 years.

1:29.4

And so guess what everybody? Thank you, Ann Daven, because I reached out to Dr. Emily and Dr. Emily

1:34.4

is here. And not only is she host that hit podcast sex with Emily, she has a PhD in human sexuality.

1:40.4

She is the one of most respected and cited sex experts in the world. Her new book is Smart Sex

1:46.3

Out of Boost Your Sex IQ and Own Your Pleasure. And you and I, we have an appointment with her

1:53.7

today. And don't you worry, this is not going to get embarrassing because I am going to go first.

1:58.8

I'm your friend. I'm the loud mouth embarrassing one. I'll ask all the questions that you're afraid

2:03.6

to ask. And I will share way more information about my sex life with my husband than probably you.

2:08.5

Or he is comfortable with. Here's why because I'm on a mission to help both you and me create a

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