How to have constructive conversations | Julia Dhar

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4.1 • 11.9K Ratings

🗓️ 17 March 2021

⏱️ 11 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

“We need to figure out how we go into conversations not looking for the victory, but the progress,” says world debate champion Julia Dhar. In this practical talk, she shares three essential features of productive disagreements grounded in curiosity and purpose. The end result? Constructive conversations that sharpen your argument -- not your relationships.

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Transcript

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0:00.0	You're listening to TED Talks Daily. I'm your host, Elise Hume.
0:07.6	We all have this innate need to feel heard and understood.
0:11.4	So who better to talk about how to be heard and make progress in conversations than champion debater Julia Dar.
0:18.4	In her talk from TED Salon 2021, Julia makes a case for being more comfortable
0:22.9	having tough conversations and how constructive conversations can persuade and move dialogue forward.
0:32.7	Three planes, 25 hours, 10,000 miles. My dad gets off a flight from Australia with one thing in mind,
0:39.7	and it's not a snack or a shower or a nap. It's November 2016, and dad is here to talk to Americans
0:47.3	about the election. No, dad's are news fiends, but for him, this is not just red or blue swing states or party platforms.
0:56.6	He has some really specific intentions. He wants to listen, be heard and understand.
1:03.9	And over two weeks, he has hundreds of conversations with Americans from New Hampshire to Miami.
1:09.8	Some of them are tough conversations,
1:12.8	complete differences of opinions,
1:15.6	wildly different worldviews,
1:18.2	radically opposite life experiences.
1:21.4	But in all of those interactions,
1:23.3	Dad walks away with a big smile on his face,
1:25.9	and so does the other person.
1:28.3	And in those interactions, he's having a version of what it seems like we have less of,
1:34.9	but want more of, a constructive conversation.
1:40.0	We have more ways than ever to connect, and yet politically, ideologically, it feels like we are further and further apart.
1:48.9	We tell pollsters that we want politicians who are open-minded, and yet when they change their point of view, we say that they lacked conviction.
1:59.3	For us, when we're confronted with information that challenges
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